Updated: November 10, 2017
Originally Published: September 16, 2016
On a radiant September morning 17 years ago, I found myself standing at the back of a stunning cathedral, clad in an ivory gown, feeling a mix of excitement and nerves as I gazed down the aisle. With my father by my side, the familiar wedding hymn began to play, and I walked down the white aisle runner, hoping not to stumble in front of our guests. The air was filled with the sweet scent of fresh roses and sunflowers as I approached the altar, locking eyes with him for the first time that day. In that moment, a wave of calm washed over me, and I knew we were ready to take on the world together. As he lifted my veil, tears in his eyes, he simply said, “You’re beautiful.” Surrounded by our loved ones, we exchanged vows, pledging to love, honor, and cherish one another.
That memory is just one of countless snapshots from a time when we were “The Old Us”—the carefree couple without a mortgage, college funds, and two lively kids at the center of our lives. Back then, we were young and vibrant, not the adults we’ve become, complete with stretch marks, C-section scars, and thinning hair. Life has become so busy that we often find ourselves discussing soccer schedules, school meetings, and the air conditioning unit that’s on its last legs instead of reconnecting over dinner.
The Old Us thrived on spontaneity, romance, and passion. In contrast, The New Us has settled into a routine filled with affection but often feels too tired for anything more than watching House Hunters on HGTV.
The gradual unraveling of The Old Us was subtle. It began with new jobs in a new town, filling our lives with task after task. Our first home was a flurry of renovations and landscaping, and we spent weekends transforming our space together. Those early years were busy but shared.
Then came the children. The chaos of sleepless nights and never-ending cries engulfed us in a whirlwind of “Can you change his diaper?” and “Oh no, we’re out of diapers!” Our children took the best of our energy, and after long days, we would collapse on the couch, pondering what The Old Us would think of our new normal. Exhausted, but still together.
Over the years, glimpses of The Old Us surfaced during anniversaries and holidays. Romantic moments were stolen between late-night awakenings and endless requests for water. We often felt like two ships passing in the night, longing to anchor together in comfortable silence. As our kids have grown, reconnecting has become easier, yet rediscovering our old romantic selves remains a challenge. With the years of parenting dwindling, we’re beginning to realize that soon we will have the chance to dust off The Old Us.
But can we truly return to that version of ourselves when the kids head off to college? After dropping them off and returning to our empty nest, will we find ourselves with little to say to each other? Recently, my husband and I came to a realization: if we want our marriage to thrive long-term, we must start reconnecting while our children are still around. We’ve been making a conscious effort to focus on each other and revive The Old Us, and here’s what it looks like:
- Sneaking out for cocktails on a random Tuesday while leaving the teens at home—trust me, they won’t notice.
- Meeting for lunch during school hours, enforcing a “no kid talk” rule. It’s a challenge, but totally worth it.
- Exploring new interests that spark insightful conversations (thank you, Hamilton: An American Musical).
- Understanding that dinner can wait a few minutes while we sip wine on the patio, discussing our workdays.
- Embracing intimacy and finding creative ways to explore new experiences together.
- Engaging in meaningful discussions about retirement and creating a plan to make that dream beach house a reality.
- Reaching for each other’s hands and feeling the deep connection that has carried us through the ups and downs of parenthood.
- Acknowledging that we are both excited and anxious about revisiting The Old Us.
- Realizing that we have indeed grown older, yet we remain together, battle scars and all.
On the day we exchanged vows, our love was fresh and unblemished by time. While I long for the couple we were back then, I also understand that they didn’t know the depth of intimacy that comes from facing life’s challenges together, comforting one another through tough times, or making up after disagreements. The Old Us had no idea that the most beautiful moments would come when my husband looks at me—messy bun and yoga pants in tow—amidst the chaos of our daily lives and says, “You’re beautiful,” with genuine sincerity.
We are older, we are together, and I can’t wait to reconnect with The Old Us. It’s been far too long. For more thoughts on relationships, check out our other blog posts, including one about home insemination here.
Summary
The journey of marriage often shifts from the carefree passion of youth to the responsibilities of adult life, particularly with kids in the mix. Through the chaos, couples can lose sight of their original connection. However, as life evolves, so does the opportunity to rekindle romance and intimacy. By making an effort to prioritize each other amidst the demands of parenthood, couples can rediscover the essence of their relationship and embrace the new chapters of their lives together.