Last night, my two little ones stirred five times between them. I ended up stripping and washing the bed linens, refilling bottles, cleaning carpets (don’t even ask), offering snuggles, and dealing with a barrage of complaints. Apparently, between 2 and 5 a.m., the fear of dehydration or loneliness looms large. Who would’ve thought?
Despite hitting the sack early, I managed a few fractured hours of sleep. No one was sick, teething, or in pain. It was simply one of those nights. And boy, was it draining.
The harsh truth about nights like these, regardless of their frequency, is that they can feel incredibly isolating. Even if you’re lucky enough to have a partner to share the load, it often seems like the world outside is blissfully unaware of your struggles. The street lamps glow, while your neighbors’ windows remain dark, and you can almost hear their peaceful snores against the backdrop of your kids’ endless whining. In those moments, it’s easy to feel like you’re failing at this whole parenting thing. Why is this happening to my kids? Why is it happening to me? With one child in preschool and the other in full-on toddler mode, I thought those sleepless nights were behind me. Apparently not.
As a new parent, I received plenty of encouragement to help me navigate the relentless sleep deprivation. My kids certainly tested my limits. People assured me that this stage wouldn’t last forever and that sleepless nights would soon be a distant memory. In the midst of it all, those words felt like a magic potion that powered me through. However, the truth is, those assurances can often feel like mere platitudes. By the time you realize it, you’re transformed into a fire-breathing dragon—crazy hair, smeared makeup, and morning breath that could clear a room. Embrace it. You’re still beautiful, and maybe a hot shower and strong coffee can work wonders.
What many of those well-meaning folks don’t understand is that they either had kids who were miraculously easy to manage (which is rare) or they’ve blocked out the memories of those tough times. The reality is, the “phase” they refer to is parenthood itself, and once you’re in, there’s no turning back.
Tonight it might be fear of the dark, but soon it will morph into sleepovers, date nights, and loud parties. Don’t kid yourself—your college-bound kid won’t be heading to bed with a warm cup of milk at 9 p.m. The truth is, your children will keep you up for years to come. Always read the fine print before signing over your life to another human being.
While you might eventually get more sleep than you did in those early days, it doesn’t lessen the pain of those uninvited middle-of-the-night wake-ups. The definition of “normal” shifts constantly for all of us. Once, three straight hours of sleep felt like a miracle, but after adjusting to a new normal, anything less than six can hit you like a punch to the gut.
We tend to assume that nighttime awakenings and coffee-fueled mornings are just part of the newborn phase or are easily traceable to something specific, like an illness—if you’re a good parent, that is. After all, reading all the right baby books should guarantee that your kids become “good sleepers,” right? But if your child doesn’t meet those arbitrary benchmarks, somehow it becomes your fault for not doing x, y, or z.
So, it’s no surprise we don’t often talk about older kids who struggle with sleep. Instead, we stifle our frustrations into our pillows and walk them to school the next morning as if nothing happened. Sure, the bags under your eyes might give you away, but we often stay silent, fearing it signals total incompetence. Nobody wants to admit to feeling like a failure. Yet, if you were to search “why won’t my kid sleep at night?” online, you’d find out you’re far from alone.
And that’s what you need to hear. You are not alone. Whether your kids wake up frequently or just occasionally, it’s perfectly okay and, for the most part, entirely normal. Feel free to explore online forums for a sense of community. Let out all those four-letter words once the door is shut and your little one can’t hear. Pour yourself a glass of pinot grigio at 2 a.m. if it helps you unwind and gain perspective. Most importantly, keep the conversation going with friends, babysitters, or anyone willing to listen. There’s healing in sharing experiences and commiserating.
Just keep moving forward, Mama. Parenthood is full of skinned knees, broken hearts, tantrums, and yes, sleepless nights. It’s a wild journey, and yours will look different from anyone else’s. Just be yourself—because this is hard, and that’s perfectly okay.
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Summary
Sleepless nights are a reality of parenthood that can feel isolating. Despite receiving encouragement that these phases are temporary, the truth is that sleep struggles can extend well beyond the newborn stage. It’s essential to acknowledge the tough times and know you are not alone. Sharing experiences with others can provide comfort, and understanding that these challenges are a normal part of parenting can help.