“If our children never stumble, they won’t learn how to rise again.”
Those words lingered in the air as I chatted with a friend at the park one seemingly ordinary Tuesday. She was sharing the latest challenges with her son’s potty training and the ever-evolving preschool drop-off routine. As we spoke, our attention shifted to a frazzled mother chasing her 5-year-old around the playground. She followed him up the stairs, hovered under the slide, and darted through the jungle gym, ensuring he didn’t take a wrong step and fall. (Keep in mind, this was a 5-year-old fully capable of talking, walking, and running.)
Every parent has their own approach, and I respect that this mom was likely doing what felt right for her. However, I firmly believe there’s value in allowing our kids to experience setbacks. If we always catch them before they fall, they may never learn how to get back on their feet—whether in the playground or throughout life.
From my perspective, true growth often comes from grappling with failure. When we genuinely experience setbacks, we learn to navigate through them. Did you catch that? We figure things out. Typically, we discover more effective solutions along the way. Humility sets in, we grow, and we develop compassion. Without encountering failure, this beneficial cycle never gets the chance to begin. Over the past five years of parenting, I’ve found that allowing my children to stumble is one of the most effective tools in my parenting toolkit.
I let my kids fall—within reason, of course. I allow them to feel pain and, yes, even the sting of exclusion. Just the other day, I was watching six kids at my home as part of my babysitting co-op. My oldest son began acting rudely toward the others. I tried everything: verbal corrections, timeouts, and even a light spanking—nothing seemed to work. Eventually, one child declared, “We don’t want to play with you anymore,” and the rest nodded in agreement.
My son desperately attempted to rejoin the group—he walked over to the circle, asked politely, and even fetched a new toy to share. But it was too late. “No, we don’t want to play with you because you were mean.”
As I observed this unfold, my first instinct was to intervene and encourage the other kids to include him. Then I realized that doing so would rob my son of a crucial learning opportunity: experiencing the natural consequences of his behavior. When he ran to me, tears streaming down his face, I hugged him and said softly, “If you’re rude and aggressive, others may not want to play with you. Let’s try being kind and gentle next time.”
In that moment, I understood that my previous efforts—timeouts and corrections—paled in comparison to the powerful lesson he learned from being excluded.
I remember a day in high school when my mom forgot to pick me up. Being the eldest of four, I can only imagine how hectic her day was. After waiting for an hour, I stormed home, furious. Later that evening, my dad informed me that I wouldn’t have a ride to school the next day. I assumed my mom would come through, but when morning arrived, she stood firm. It was midterms, and as a straight-A student, being late wasn’t an option. I pleaded with her, but she wouldn’t budge. That day, I walked to school and missed my tests.
My mom didn’t save me from my failure; she let me endure it, learn from it, and grow. Now, as a mother myself, I recognize the importance of allowing my kids to face challenges. Failure fosters growth, encourages self-education, and cultivates responsibility and empathy.
Falling down ultimately makes us stronger because it teaches us how to rise again. It’s not my role to rescue my children from failure; rather, it’s to support them through life’s disappointments and equip them with the skills they need to navigate obstacles independently.
So, the next time you feel compelled to shield your child from scrapes or bruised feelings, remember that you might be denying them the most valuable lesson they could ever learn: understanding the natural consequences of their actions and taking responsibility for their choices.
Raise your child in a way that guides them, and when they stumble along the way, take a step back and enjoy the front-row seat to their growth, learning, and expanding awareness beyond themselves.
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Summary:
This article emphasizes the importance of allowing children to experience failure as a means for growth and learning. The author shares personal anecdotes that illustrate how facing consequences can lead to valuable life lessons, ultimately fostering resilience and responsibility in children. Instead of rescuing their kids from failure, parents should guide them through disappointments and empower them to navigate their own challenges.