Every woman has her own unique experience when it comes to her menstrual cycle. Each reproductive system is distinct, and let’s be real—no two months are identical. However, there are some common thoughts that many women share during their periods.
Day 0
Oh no, I’m about to lose it if my partner so much as glances at my mint chocolate truffles. Did I remember to grab ice cream? I crave ice cream right now. And potato chips. No, scratch that—salt and vinegar chips. Or maybe barbecue ribs. Actually, I want all the food. Suddenly, I feel like I could eat everything in sight, and that’s perfectly fine because I deserve a treat after all my hard work. Oh look, a puppy on TV! So adorable… Wait, is that Sarah McLachlan? No, no, no! Not that song… I’m going to cry! We definitely need a dog, and I could really use a tissue. Also, some antacids because I feel so bloated. Bedtime is calling me. But if my partner tries to touch me, I might just snap!
Day 1
Well, hello again, old friend. Nice of you to ruin my favorite underwear this morning. You couldn’t wait for laundry day, huh? No, you had to leave your mark on my new, cute, sexy underwear. Now, I’m stuck thinking about laundry and stains. Ugh, I despise you, you crimson nightmare. Thanks for ruining my day and for clarifying why I wanted to throttle my partner last night. At least now I know I’m not losing my mind—just hungry. Must. Get. Cheeseburgers.
Day 2
The cramping is unbearable. After two decades of this, you’d think it would get better, but it just keeps getting worse. I need aspirin—or maybe 30. And a heating pad. I’d even consider a new uterus at this point! Why can’t I find a comfortable position? How can one part of my body cause so much agony? This calls for a Lifetime movie, some soup, and a visit from my mom!
Day 3
Whoever claimed that exercise helps with cramps can just… no. Every jump, lunge, or stretch just reminds me of the blood flowing out of my body. Sure, it’s natural, but honestly, it’s disgusting. I feel gross, and everything feels gross. I hate everything.
Day 4
Okay, things are looking up! I think the worst is over. I don’t need those giant pads anymore, which is a relief. I might even put on jeans instead of sweatpants and I actually washed my hair today. I can handle this! But I won’t let my partner in on this news. To him, it’s still a horror show down there. I’ll just tell him it’s a longer-than-usual period. No, wait—then he’ll suggest I see the doctor. But maybe that would get me out of parenting for a bit…
Day 5
Yes! Just a panty liner left. Bye-bye, Aunt Flow! One more day and I’m free! Time to bring out the sexy underwear again because I am ready to reclaim my groove. I just wish I could get back the hair I inadvertently ripped off with my pad yesterday. Who knew I’d be doing DIY waxing? But it’s fine; I’m almost there and won’t have to deal with this for another month.
Day 6
There’s nothing quite like waking up to a clean, blood-free body. Bring on the thongs and white pants just to thumb my nose at my uterus!
Day 7
Really?! I thought I was done! Guess this pair of underwear is a goner…
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Summary
Navigating a menstrual cycle comes with a rollercoaster of emotions and physical discomforts. From cravings and bloating to cramps and a desperate desire for comfort, many women share similar thoughts throughout their period. By the end of the week, relief usually arrives, but not without a few surprises along the way.