By: Sarah Matthews
Last night, I decided to unwind with a soak in the tub, a chilled drink in hand, and yes, a magazine filled with celebrity gossip (no judgment, please). Just as I settled in, a peculiar little figure latched onto my thigh:
“Who are you, strange rubbery creature? A fast-food toy? A bizarre knockoff of something I can’t quite place?”
I set him down beside the other bath toys and noticed something even more curious: a doll, dressed as a superhero, was holding hands with a retro action figure. It was a sight that made me chuckle—Barbie casually linking fingers with a vintage villain, as if they were about to embark on a grand adventure.
I couldn’t help but think how these quirky moments define my life as a mother. It made me realize how deeply I cherish my daughters. My world would be so dull without the art they create, the photos we capture, and even the little messes left behind. It’s hard to imagine loving my partner as much if I hadn’t witnessed him enthusiastically dress dolls or tenderly carry a sleeping child to bed. The journey through our home, littered with sparkly stickers and tiny accessories, is anything but boring.
As I observed my girls play “family,” I wished they could always enjoy a world where everything is as straightforward as their imaginary games, where toys never break, and siblings are forever best buddies—unless, of course, they’re playing neighbors or husbands.
I snapped on my daughter’s superhero cape and cradled her doll, pondering how unprepared I feel for the real world that awaits them. I have no foolproof advice on sleep training or romantic relationships, and that terrifies me. But I can share what I’ve learned through my own ups and downs, my successes and failures—my own blend of chaos and joy.
So, I compiled a list for my husband:
“Kevin, if I should meet an unfortunate fate, whether from an unruly bath toy or an accidental foot injury caused by a doll accessory, please share this collection of thoughts from their slightly crazy, incredibly loving mother:
- Use a baby wipe to clean deodorant stains off your shirt, a dull razor for pilling sweaters, and a dryer sheet for dusting blinds. For everything else, vinegar or beer will do—one for cleaning, the other for enduring it!
- Life is a mix of colors—some days will be bright pink, others may be dull yellow. But as long as it’s not butterscotch, it’s worth living.
- Your heart will experience breaks—it’s inevitable. I wish I could shield you from it, but it’s part of life. Just remember, it’s better to have loved and lost than to be completely clueless about pop songs.
- Always shake the ketchup before use. And avoid scary movies before bedtime!
- Show love whenever you can, but don’t forget to flaunt your legs occasionally.
- You probably won’t have a tragic backstory worthy of a reality show. Sorry, not sorry!
- Never date anyone who calls you “Lil’ Mama,” uses cheesy pickup lines, or discusses body parts inappropriately.
- Whenever you can be generous, seize that moment. You’re meant to help others. And if you get the chance to cuddle a baby animal, definitely take it—bonus points for dressing it up!
- Take risks, but don’t follow the “road less traveled” metaphor too literally. That path may be filled with danger!
- Not everything that sparkles is gold, especially in makeup.
- Life occasionally calls for some colorful language. However, there’s never a reason to use the N-word or the R-word.
- Always say “bless you” when someone sneezes and “thank you” when a door is held open. It’s simply polite. And if someone offers you a Jell-O shot and tells you to “back that thing up,” feel free to respond however you see fit.
- Don’t sneak snacks into the movies unless they’re classic candies, because, duh.
- Stay away from situations where someone might say, “Girl, hold my earrings.”
- Social media is like a movie trailer—showcasing only the best bits. Remember, real life is often less glamorous.
- Avoid drinking anything dubbed “jungle juice” or anything served from a questionable source.
- Never text, drink, or even smile while driving—just sing your heart out instead!
- Win every spelling bee you can, but steer clear of any wet t-shirt contests. Trust me on this one.
- May your wittiest comebacks come to you in the moment, not three hours later in the shower.
- Live boldly, but not in a “Coachella camping” way.
- Everyone has a unique story, and that’s what makes life beautiful. Respect their journey as you do your own.
- Know your social security number, your true bra size, and your immeasurable worth.
- A hand that instinctively reaches for you during a sudden stop is a hand that loves you fiercely.
- Don’t be afraid to apologize when you’re wrong, but never do it just to fit in.
- There’s no way to run into an ex looking fabulous, and going to Target for “just one thing” is a myth.
- Keep at least one nude bra but avoid nude selfies at all costs.
I’ve said this before, sweet girls, but never suppress your unique quirks. Embrace your weirdness, your kindness, your curiosity, your humor… and please, always stay my daughters.
For more thoughts on family and parenting, check out this article on privacy policies.
If you’re interested in at-home options for starting a family, Make A Mom is a great resource. For insights into the success of home insemination, WebMD provides excellent information.
In summary, life is a wild ride filled with love, laughter, and lessons. Embrace it all with open hearts and minds.