My firstborn, Oliver, has always been a curious little guy. As a baby, he’d rather babble and listen to stories than walk or climb. As he grew into a toddler, his favorite pastime was reciting letters and numbers from flashcards. Now, at 3 years old, he can tell you all about the differences between the Jurassic and Triassic periods, what great white sharks eat, and has some very strong opinions about his favorite squid species. Oh, and he also insists on going pantless about 75% of the time—because, well, he’s 3.
Of course, I think he’s amazing because he’s my child, and every parent believes their child is unique, right? Others have pointed out how intelligent Oliver seems or how he might be “advanced,” and I can’t help but feel a tinge of discomfort. Honestly, even writing that makes me cringe a bit. The truth is, maybe he is gifted, maybe he’s not—but in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn’t matter.
Yes, you read that right. Take a deep breath, it’s okay—I’m saying it doesn’t matter if my child is labeled as “gifted” or exceptionally smart. And it doesn’t matter for your kids either.
The Gifted Label
Many of us can recall those school days when students were separated into the “gifted and talented” program. These so-called special kids were thought to be so bright that the standard curriculum would bore them and hinder their development among their peers. There were the “gifted” and the regular students—the ones destined for greatness and those deemed average.
But here’s the kicker: it didn’t really make a difference. As adults, if you look back, you might find that those classmates who were in gifted programs are leading lives similar to those who weren’t. Maybe one of those “gifted” kids is working on groundbreaking research, while another is spending hours playing video games in their parents’ basement. The distinctions made in elementary school don’t predict future success, despite the anxiety and focus we placed on them.
In fact, research has shown that the idea that “gifted” students thrive better among their equally high-achieving peers is simply not true. Studies reveal that students in gifted programs scored similarly to those who weren’t part of the program. All the resources and efforts put into identifying gifted students didn’t yield significant results.
What Does Giftedness Mean?
So, if I were to consider Oliver as “gifted,” what would that mean? When he’s in high school, will he still need to study for tests to earn an “A”? Will he still read classic literature like Beowulf? If he doesn’t get into a prestigious college, should I pen a fiery letter to the admissions office about how gifted he is for knowing the difference between a pterodactyl and a pteranodon before he even started preschool?
I have another child, Mia, who just turned 1. She can’t recite the alphabet yet, and her favorite activities include eating dog food and trying to climb into the toilet. Maybe she’s gifted, maybe she’s not. At this stage, who knows?
Honestly, it feels unfair to treat one child differently from the other based solely on perceived intelligence or “giftedness.” We prioritize giving both kids equal opportunities and encouragement. If one aspires to attend an Ivy League school, we’ll do everything we can to help make that happen. If the other wants to be the best sign-spinner outside an Ashley Furniture store, then we’ll support that dream wholeheartedly.
The Importance of Tailored Learning
The National Association for Gifted Children emphasizes the importance of tailored learning opportunities based on each child’s unique abilities and learning styles. But shouldn’t that be the case for every child? Whether a child has developmental delays or is simply bored in class, it’s the responsibility of both teachers and parents to ensure that every child thrives. There are numerous opportunities for children with various abilities to succeed in higher education and beyond. Given the right support, any child can flourish.
I genuinely believe that hard work outweighs intelligence, and that’s the focus we’ll have with our kids. Instead of praising them with “You’re so smart,” I’ll say, “You really worked hard on that.” After all, intelligence is often a matter of circumstance, so why should it be celebrated more than the effort they put in?
A Message to Parents
I often hear parents sharing their toddlers’ achievements while others fret about their kids not keeping pace. To both sets of parents, I say with kindness: it doesn’t matter. You’re noticing these milestones because you care, and that makes you a fantastic parent. Your dedication will undoubtedly provide your children with every chance to succeed and thrive.
Ultimately, every child possesses their own unique gifts and talents, and that’s why every parent thinks their child is special. They truly are! Instead of labeling some children as gifted, let’s celebrate the individuality of all our kids.
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In summary, whether or not your child is labeled as “gifted” is far less important than the effort they put into their pursuits. It’s essential to support all children equally, ensuring they have the opportunity to thrive in their own unique ways.