I was just 14 when I attempted to take my own life for the second time. The first time was at 8 years old, when I didn’t even understand the weight of my actions. I struggled with chronic insomnia, and like many parents would, my mother had exhausted her options. No amount of warm milk, soothing music, or calming baths could lull me to sleep. On particularly restless nights, she would tuck me in on the couch with a book and a small glass of peach schnapps, instructing me to “sip slowly,” before returning to bed.
I didn’t recognize that I was depressed, so it was hard for anyone else to see it, too. I often came home from school in tears, yet I was still generally a cheerful child. It was the relentless sleeplessness that wore me down. One night, overwhelmed with exhaustion and despair, I thought of sleep as a state akin to being dead. I found myself in the kitchen, holding my mother’s largest knife against my chest. I stood there for what felt like forever, but fear ultimately stopped me, and I put it away, returning to bed to wait for dawn.
Now that I’m a parent, my kids are approaching the age when my own struggles began. It terrifies me to think of not knowing what’s going on in their minds. I didn’t have the vocabulary to describe my feelings until I was well into my teens, and by then, my signs of distress had blended into my personality, making them hard to notice. Was I just shy or genuinely withdrawn? Was I bored or simply unengaged by school? I don’t fault my parents for missing these signs; depression is notorious for pushing people to hide their struggles.
Recognizing the Signs
So, how can you recognize the signs? The heartbreaking reality is that children as young as 8 can end their own lives. In fact, suicide is the second leading cause of death for kids ages 10 to 18.
When I think about what I wish my parents had done for me, I realize the importance of open conversations about mental health. I wish they had discussed mental illness with me, reassuring me that it’s not anyone’s fault if the mind becomes ill, and that there are ways to cope. By the time I eventually started therapy, it felt like we had an unspoken agreement to avoid discussing the reasons behind it. I even lied to my therapist, a behavior my depression encouraged.
I wish my parents had shared their own experiences with therapy or given me books about children who went through similar struggles long before I needed that support. I wanted them to tell me I wasn’t a monster for having dark thoughts and that discussing them was a step toward healing.
Having the Conversation
As my children reach the age I was when I first faced depression, I strive to have these conversations, even though it’s challenging. It’s tough to explain that I deal with an invisible illness every day and that mental health issues run in our family. I want them to understand that I go to therapy, and though it’s difficult, I know it’s crucial to talk about these things. None of these conversations are as hard as the thought of losing a child.
Regardless of your family history with mental illness, it’s important to talk to your children. Help them understand that feelings of hopelessness, boredom, or anger are normal in small doses, but if they feel overwhelmed often, seeking help is essential. Make sure they know there’s no shame in having a mental illness.
Educate yourself on the signs of depression and suicide, and engage your kids in these discussions before an emergency arises. Most importantly, listen to them. You can be a voice for change and a source of support. For more information on mental health conversations, check out this other blog post here.
If you or someone you know is struggling, resources are available, including this excellent guide on mental health and pregnancy support.
Summary
It is vital for parents to engage in open discussions about mental health with their children, especially as they approach the age when these issues may arise. By fostering a supportive environment, recognizing warning signs, and emphasizing the importance of seeking help, parents can play a crucial role in their children’s well-being.