My 4-year-old typically unwinds after preschool with a nap and a dose of his favorite show. However, today was different; he flopped down on the couch and then came racing back to me, demanding a new show, but he had no clue what he wanted to watch. “I want something else, but I don’t know what it is!” he screamed. It was a classic moment of toddler logic—utterly nonsensical.
KIDS ARE JUST CONFUSING.
What ensued was a 2-hour-long temper tantrum that made me feel like I was reliving a high school breakup, minus the sweet note from my old crush. When my charming little hurricane finally exhausted himself, he crumpled on the couch and fell asleep like a little drunkard—completely carefree.
Meanwhile, I was left with a bit of a chip on my shoulder. So, to maintain my sanity during this trying time, I came up with a list of things that are far easier than trying to reason with a 4-year-old. Because, let’s face it, you can’t make sense of their logic; they just don’t care, and they’ll give you a headache instead.
I can’t wait for the end of his little reign of terror. Bring on the fabulous fives!
Here’s my list of 20 Things Easier Than Reasoning with a 4-Year-Old:
- Shaving your legs while 9 months pregnant.
- Pilfering a golden egg from a fire-breathing dragon.
- Cooking a gourmet meal with a 30-pound toddler clinging to you.
- Surviving menopause in the sweltering Florida heat.
- Understanding the rules of Curling (seriously, what?).
- Working in PR for Sea World.
- Ruling an entire galaxy.
- Being the President of the United States.
- Grocery shopping at Whole Foods on a tight budget.
- Navigating a plane through the Bermuda Triangle.
- Figuring out Common Core Math.
- Teaching in a public school.
- Living with Sheldon Cooper (knock, knock, knock… Leonard).
- Fact-checking for a late-night comedy show.
- Anal bleaching Ron Jeremy.
- Trying to converse with my 9-year-old while he’s glued to Minecraft.
- Declawing Hemingway cats (they have six toes!).
- Shopping at Target without breaking the $100 mark.
- Douching with Brillo.
- Accompanying Billy Joel on the piano.
Once, I managed to talk my way out of a speeding ticket. I’ve even had rational discussions about politics over drinks. Someday, the same little whirlwind who currently drives me to the brink will be trying to negotiate curfews, dating, or a less-than-stellar grade. And when that day comes, I’ll listen, but I’ll keep this list in my back pocket. Because payback is a real thing.
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In summary, navigating toddler logic is a Herculean task, but sometimes laughter and a little perspective are the best tools in a parent’s arsenal.
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