When my kids are invited over for a playdate, there’s one crucial question I always pose first: “Do you own a firearm?” Typically, I send this inquiry through email, though sometimes it slips into a hurried text amidst a flurry of chatter about the kids, schooling, or my latest kitchen experiments. After a couple of paragraphs about the little ones, I just throw it out there: “Do you have a gun? And if you do, is it stored in a safe place?”
I didn’t grow up in a household with guns, but my partner, Mark, did; his dad was a police officer. I can’t shake the memory of my father-in-law sometimes not securing his service weapon properly. This leaves me wondering how many others might be lax about gun safety.
Admittedly, asking this question feels a bit awkward to me—like I’m overstepping. I understand that gun ownership is a constitutional right, yet I find myself rephrasing the email time and again.
Once, when one of my children was headed to a classmate’s home—whose parent was a teacher—I still asked, “Do you have a gun?” I could almost hear his amused chuckle as he replied playfully. Another time, my child went to the house of a police officer. At least I could joke, “I ask this all the time! Haha!” because it’s true. “Do you have a gun? And is it stored safely?”
In our home, we don’t have toy guns (except for a quirky remote-controlled zombie robot gifted by their grandmother—thanks, in-laws). When my kids ask for Nerf guns or water shooters, I explain that I don’t want guns around. I truly believe they are not meant for play; they serve a far more serious purpose.
I explain that while some people rely on firearms for food or work, such as police or military personnel, these relationships can be complex. But I firmly believe guns have no place in a child’s world. They shouldn’t need to pretend to wield a weapon to engage in play with their friends or siblings.
“Mama, we have toy fireman hats and knight swords,” they argue.
“But no one has ever walked into a school and harmed children with a fireman’s hose or a sword, at least not to my knowledge.” That usually ends the debate. Even a 7-year-old can grasp that point.
Interestingly, a new friend of mine, who recently immigrated from England, found my email about gun safety amusing. She remarked how uniquely American it seemed. In Britain, many police officers don’t even carry firearms. She shared my email with her friends back home, highlighting her adjustment to life in America. A Canadian acquaintance echoed her thoughts, calling it “so American, so absurd.” But they get it, having moved here themselves.
I’ve never had anyone hesitate to answer my question. Even gun owners usually understand the concern. The idea of kids and guns should never even be in the same sentence. If someone were to struggle with my question, I’d suggest a neutral playdate location—like a park—where we can keep an eye on the kids together.
Strangely enough, no one has ever asked me if we have firearms at home or what activities the kids will engage in while they’re at my place (which usually involves climbing trees, chasing butterflies, and, occasionally, getting ticks). I believe in granting my kids freedom to explore their world, even if it comes with scrapes or the occasional bee sting. I know I can’t shield them from every potential danger.
I could inquire about other safety concerns—like whether they have any harmful substances stored away, if there will be violent TV shows playing, or if they’ve checked for lead in their water supply.
Perhaps those questions are just too obvious, right? Or maybe asking about firearms serves as a gentle reminder for all the ways we can safeguard our children’s delicate lives.
So, I’ll wrap it up like this: “I’ll be back in a couple of hours. No allergies to report, here’s some sunscreen and a loaf of banana bread. Oh, and do you have a firearm at home? If so, is it securely locked away?” Because I’ve drawn my line, and this Mama stands firm on this matter.
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