From as far back as I can remember, I dreamed of becoming a mom. I was always surrounded by dolls, nurturing them as if they were real. But looking back, the parenting I offered those dolls was worlds apart from the reality of caring for my actual babies.
As a child, I thought motherhood looked so easy. I could hold my dolls, shower them with kisses, feed them, and then set them down while I went about my day. I’d watch them sleep peacefully, cooing about how wonderful they were. With my hands free, I could engage in my toy kitchen adventures, cooking and cleaning like it was pure magic.
Of course, I understood that a living baby was not the same as a plastic doll, and by the time I had my first child, I had long since stopped playing with dolls. Yet, those childhood experiences lingered in my mind, and I was taken aback by how vastly different baby care was from my expectations.
I loved cuddling, nursing, and holding my newborn, but I was still a person with needs, and I couldn’t manage to do much with a baby attached to me like a leech. The stark truth was that my little one just didn’t want to be put down.
We had a cozy bassinet, a baby swing, and a bouncy seat—all gifts from friends and family. When he was just a few days old, after my milk finally came in, he fell asleep on my chest, completely relaxed. But as soon as I gently placed him in his bassinet, his eyes shot open, as if to say, “What in the world, lady?”
I soon adopted a mindset of “I know you need me, but I really need you to be okay without me sometimes.” I tried swaddling him, using a blanket that smelled like me, and even white noise. The swing worked occasionally, but only about 15% of the time.
Eventually, I surrendered. When my husband was home, he held our son; the rest of the time, I did. You know what? It wasn’t so terrible. In fact, once I stopped forcing him to be comfortable away from me, we both became much happier.
I learned about the “fourth trimester,” a term that explains how human babies aren’t really ready to be born due to their large heads. Unlike most mammals that come out ready to walk, human babies are born helpless and need that extra closeness to their parents. Just like kangaroos, we need that time next to our warm bodies.
I picked up babywearing, which took some trial and error, but eventually, I figured out how to use a pouch sling. Having my hands free made a huge difference. Even when I wasn’t wearing him, I became quite skilled at completing tasks one-handed—a hidden talent I never knew I had.
Since the arrival of my first little Velcro baby, I’ve become a breastfeeding counselor and lactation consultant. I often hear questions like, “It hurts so much; is something wrong?” or “How do I know if my baby is getting enough milk?” The next most common question is, “Help! My baby cries every time I put him down.”
The underlying concern often implies that the mom feels like she’s failing or that there’s something wrong with her baby—or her milk supply. While some babies may struggle more with the transition from womb to world, it’s normal for many babies to go through phases where they simply cannot be set down.
This doesn’t reflect on your parenting skills. You haven’t created any bad habits. You’ve brought a human baby into the world, and let’s face it, human babies are complicated little beings. They’re emotional, opinionated, and unapologetically needy.
I completely understand the challenges of having a clingy baby, especially one like mine who wanted to be held all the time. But it does get better. I know that reassurance may not help when you’re in the thick of it with your needy little one, but it’s true. By around 4 or 5 months, you’ll likely find more opportunities to set them down. Some may take longer than others, and that’s perfectly fine.
“It’s okay. It’s normal. You’re doing a great job.” Those are the words I desperately needed to hear when my Velcro baby was glued to me 24/7. So, I share those words with you if you’re in the same boat. I promise, you’ll come out on the other side.
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Summary
The article discusses the challenges of caring for a clingy baby, affectionately termed a “Velcro baby.” It reflects on the author’s experiences and the emotional journey of motherhood, emphasizing that it’s normal for infants to want constant closeness. The piece offers reassurance to new parents, highlighting the importance of babywearing and understanding developmental phases.