A few days ago, I took my kids to the local YMCA, opting for jeans and a tank top since my goal wasn’t to work out but to enjoy a moment of calm. I dropped my boys off at the kids’ zone and spent a blissful hour on my computer, free from the usual interruptions of parenting. No one tugged at my sleeve or asked for snacks; it was pure bliss.
That small break revitalized me. When I picked my boys up, I greeted them with enthusiastic hugs and kisses. We had plans to hit the pool, and while changing into our swimsuits, I made sure to give my full attention to my 4-year-old’s endless story about his adventures in the sandbox. It was delightful to see the remnants of his play on his arms as he animatedly described his day. Being away from them, even just for a little while, allowed me to be more present when we were together.
As a stay-at-home mom (SAHM), I’m usually with my children all day, yet I often find myself questioning whether I spend enough meaningful time with them. I enjoy watching my 4-year-old show off his scooter tricks and playing pretend with my toddler, but the moments that truly energize me are the ones I carve out for myself. All too often, I find myself half-listening to my preschooler while scrolling through texts or Instagram. I might be washing dishes with one hand while my kids are clamoring for my attention.
Many women choose the SAHM path to spend more time with their children, but I sometimes wonder if I’m achieving that goal. While I certainly have quantity of time, what about quality? I thrive on productivity and enjoy reading and writing, but my lack of personal time can make me irritable. I sometimes feel guilty for wanting to escape into my own world, especially when my toddler is tugging on my leg to show me something as mundane as a bug in the corner.
I adore playing with my kids, whether it’s holding their hands, pretending to fly them around, or having impromptu dance parties. Yet, there’s only so long an adult can actively engage in a child’s play. The time spent on the floor with trains is limited, regardless of being a SAHM or not.
My children’s ability to entertain themselves is as finite as my patience for repetitive games, so sometimes we just need to get out of the house. We usually don’t have a specific destination; we just need a break from the chaos of my toddler dismantling the kitchen cabinets or my preschooler digging through bathroom drawers and asking curious questions about items he finds. It can often feel easier to pack them in the car and hope for some adult interaction.
However, heading out isn’t a simple fix. At the store, they beg for treats, try to escape the cart, and leave sticky fingerprints everywhere. I often realize one of them is missing a shoe halfway through our outing, and I usually don’t have the energy to backtrack to find it. In those moments, I can feel my patience wearing thin, and I start to wonder if a little time apart might actually be beneficial for us all.
I often think about working moms who miss their kids while at work. Do they cherish their time together more? Do they ever see it as a chore? I doubt it. When my husband takes time for himself on the weekends, I usually think, “Great, it’s just me and the kids again.” I believe that if I had more time away, I’d appreciate our time together even more.
As a former teacher, I’ve considered homeschooling my 4-year-old, but I’ve decided to enroll him in pre-K. It’s not because I think he needs socialization or that he’ll get a better education elsewhere; I believe a little separation will strengthen our bond.
Ultimately, how we spend our time with our children matters more than the sheer amount of time we have together. When a mother takes care of her own needs, she is better equipped to nurture her family. Whether a mom decides to stay home full-time, work from home, or take a break at a café, having a balanced life makes her more attentive to her kids. Personally, I aim to maintain that balance, perhaps by heading to the gym in my jeans with my laptop.
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Summary:
Being a stay-at-home mom can sometimes blur the lines between quantity and quality time spent with kids. While it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and question if we’re truly present, carving out personal time can rejuvenate our relationships. Ultimately, it’s about creating a balance that allows us to be fully engaged when we are with our children.