I’m a professional in corporate America, specifically in Silicon Valley. With a master’s degree and nine years of experience at my company, I’ve worked hard to be on par with my male counterparts. Yet, my paycheck tells a different story. While discussing salaries can be considered a social faux pas, it’s not illegal, and after comparing notes with a few male colleagues, it became clear: like many American women, I earn approximately 77 cents for every dollar my male coworkers make.
As a mother of four without a partner, life in Silicon Valley is financially challenging. My company brought me here, but I underestimated the cost of living. To bridge the pay gap, I took on a part-time role with a running-related sports brand that I discovered while participating in a race. This job brings me joy and connects me with others who share my passion for health and fitness, but it also takes time away from my children. I wouldn’t need this extra work if my primary employer paid me what I’m worth.
When I first accepted my job here, I felt grateful. Transitioning from retail to a stable 9-to-5 position meant more time with my kids and greater financial security. In my excitement, I failed to recognize that I might deserve a higher salary than what was initially offered.
After two years, I was promoted, but my boss advised me against negotiating my salary, assuring me it was the maximum available for my new role. I simply expressed my gratitude, feeling ungrateful to question the offer. Surely, my value was acknowledged by the company.
Three years later, I finally mustered the courage to ask for equal pay. As I did, I almost apologized for making the request. I felt like saying, “I’m sorry to bother you with this” or “I’m sorry for asking for more money.” But I stopped myself and clarified that my request was about achieving parity with my colleagues, not asking for a raise.
Now, I’m filled with guilt and anxiety about how my request will be perceived. I know my worth—I’m a dedicated employee and produce excellent work. Yet, it pains me to feel undervalued, especially when my job takes me away from my children.
The day I made my request, I missed half of my son’s school music concert to attend a meeting. I even missed another child’s entire concert because of work commitments. During that meeting, I sat through 45 minutes of presentations that had nothing to do with my role, only to provide a three-minute update at the end. Those minutes were when my son performed, and I felt a small piece of me breaking with each tick of the clock.
My kids are often left to fend for themselves after school, and I worked straight through pick-up time. I rushed to the baseball field afterward, working on my computer while trying to catch my son’s at-bats on video. Afterward, it was off to McDonald’s for dinner, and I left my kids to finish their homework while I headed back to the office.
When I finally wrapped up my work around 9:15 p.m., I went for a run at the gym in my office building, needing a moment to clear my head. As I ran, I couldn’t shake the feeling of missing out on my children’s lives.
I do have paid time off available, but I hesitate to take half days for every school event. Which occasions warrant my presence? I worry about how my coworkers will perceive my choices. I’ve always thought that if I could just show that I don’t provide any less value as a woman and a mother, I would earn fair compensation. Yet, despite my efforts, the pay gap remains.
I deserve to earn 100% of what my male colleagues make. My recent feedback at work reflects this: “Just walked through the deck. She said it’s the best activities, look, and flow she’s seen. Absolutely loved…[Jamie’s] portion specifically. Awesome job, and thanks again Jamie!”
My children deserve all of their mother, and I’m unsure how to balance it all. Perhaps getting back to just one job at full pay would help—combining my 77% and 23% into a full 100%.
I need to take a breath and maybe go for a run.
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In summary, despite my dedication and achievements at work, I find myself grappling with the pay gap that continues to affect me as a woman and a mother. It’s a struggle to balance work and family, and I strive for the recognition and compensation I deserve.