I am fortunate to have wonderful friends. They are kind and supportive, often overlooking the times I leave their messages unanswered. They provide meals, pour tea, and sometimes even share a glass of wine with me. They are the difference between my sanity hanging by a thread and me managing to hold it together—most of the time.
But, honestly, they can’t fully grasp what it means to parent a child with special needs.
As I navigate the complexities of my youngest son’s neurological differences—beyond just dyslexia and processing delays—I find myself caught in a whirlwind of heightened anxiety, meltdowns, mania, and depression. With each new challenge, I realize I’ve been clinging to the hope that I could still experience motherhood in a “typical” way through him. I had reassured myself that despite the difficulties with my oldest, my youngest would embody the traits I see in my friends’ children—making friends easily, enjoying food without anxiety, and thriving in social settings.
However, that dream feels increasingly elusive, and I find myself grieving the loss of the motherhood I once envisioned.
I understand that this might come off as self-centered. It can seem selfish to lament my own version of motherhood when my child is grappling with significant struggles. I know that “normal” is a shifting concept that doesn’t truly exist. Yet, I can’t help but feel a twinge of envy when I see my friends’ children flourishing on social media. After a night out with other moms, I often leave feeling bitter, knowing their children are peacefully asleep while mine are still awake, unsettled by my brief absence.
The conversations I overhear about children’s milestones—hobbies, crushes, education, and birthday parties—can amplify my sense of isolation. As my children grow older, the differences become more pronounced and my loneliness deepens.
Both of my kids are facing challenges that often lead to pain. On my worst days, the weight of it all feels unbearable. On my best days, it’s merely a burden I carry differently. The distinction between these days lies in how I cope with the loneliness that accompanies my circumstances.
During the tough times, I focus on the disparities and the unfairness of it all, constantly searching for ways to “fix” our situation. However, on better days, I find strength in community. I remind myself that I’m not alone in this journey; many others share similar stories, emotions, and prayers.
Being a mother of children with special needs can certainly be isolating, yet it is also profoundly rewarding. Each small victory feels monumental and connects me with fellow moms, even those I may never meet in person. Motherhood reveals both my worst and best qualities, a duality I believe is true for all mothers. Ultimately, we share more similarities than differences; we all feel pain when our children struggle and share dreams for their bright futures.
Regardless of our circumstances, a mother is a mother. I am thankful to be part of such a supportive network.
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Summary
The article reflects on the challenges of motherhood, particularly when raising children with special needs. The author shares personal experiences of loneliness, contrasting feelings of grief for an idealized motherhood with the strength found in community and shared experiences. The piece emphasizes empathy among mothers, regardless of their circumstances, and ends with links to supportive resources.