Sometimes, I feel like I’ve stepped into a time loop. Another summer has slipped away, the nights are growing cooler, soccer matches have commenced, and dance lessons are just around the corner. Soon, Thanksgiving will knock at the door, followed by Christmas, lacrosse, track, and recitals.
And then, the bittersweet reality sets in: the last summer when both my kids will be living at home. With each turn of the calendar, there’s a nagging feeling of an approaching finale.
How did we get here?
It seems like just yesterday I was sweating it out at the pool with my 2- and 4-year-olds. The temperature was soaring, I was self-conscious about my post-baby body, and I constantly worried about their safety in the water. High school and college felt like distant dreams. I remember exchanging knowing glances with another mom at the baby pool, both of us yearning for the day when we could relax under a shade tree with a book.
Yes, I thought, I can’t wait until my daughter can swim on her own and doesn’t need my help anymore.
But here we are, and I haven’t set foot in the pool for three years. My daughter now swims effortlessly, and the thought of me showing up there would mortify her. She has her friends, trendy swimsuits, and even boys trying to catch her eye.
Just the other day, while cleaning under her bed, I stumbled upon a lone green Lego piece. Our days of building imaginative worlds are long behind us. When my kids were younger, I often felt the urge to rush through those moments, eager to get past the chaos. Perhaps it was my hectic work schedule coupled with the relentless demands of little ones that made me want to hurry things along. Or maybe it was just my annoyance at those pesky Lego pieces scattered everywhere.
Rush, rush, rush.
If I could turn back time, I’d slow down and build a few more Lego castles. I tucked the little green brick away in my jewelry box as a reminder.
What happened to the American Girl dolls? The hundreds of stuffed animals? The princess costumes and that enormous dollhouse? It feels like they vanished. I’ve been replaced by their friends, activities, and interests.
And where did my sweet son’s floppy hair go? Now there’s a towering teenager with a crew cut grunting “I don’t know” more often than not. That lovely girl in the room that used to be home to my feisty toddler asked me to pick up tampons and mascara from the store. Oh my goodness!
I catch a glimpse of a middle-aged woman with fine lines and gray roots staring back at me in the mirror. The house is eerily quiet most Friday and Saturday nights.
I’m not a young mom anymore. My kids no longer rely on me the same way they did when they were younger. But the other day, my son asked me to toss him the lacrosse ball so he could practice. So I did.
And just last week, he invited me to watch “Boyz n the Hood” with him. My desk was overflowing with to-do lists, articles to edit, and real estate calls to make. Honestly, I was looking forward to some uninterrupted time to finish my work, but instead, we watched the movie and talked about it afterward. It turned out to be one of the rare quiet moments we’ve shared this summer.
My daughter, on the other hand, loves to chat late into the night, just when I feel I can’t keep my eyes open any longer. But I do. And as long as she needs me, I’m here.
They still require rides, guidance, and boundaries. And, like newborns, they seem to need to be fed constantly. The toys of their childhood, along with food, are disappearing at an astonishing rate.
But change is inevitable.
We’ve navigated through so many phases together, and exciting new adventures lie ahead. I plan to cherish each moment without rushing. Whether it’s watching a movie or having a heartfelt conversation, I’ll put my own tasks on hold for them. And that’s perfectly okay.
Isn’t that what every parent hopes for? Independent children? My mom reassures me that my kids will always need me, just as I still need her, and each age brings its own unique challenges.
I suppose I just wasn’t ready for how swiftly this “un-needing” phase would arrive. It feels like time is zooming by at warp speed, as if the laws of physics bend when you’re a parent. The lasts come at you like asteroids.
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Summary:
This reflective piece captures the bittersweet nature of parenting as children grow more independent. The author reminisces about the past while acknowledging the swift changes in her children’s needs and interests. Emphasizing the importance of cherishing moments together, she highlights the shift from hands-on care to supporting their growing independence.