I remember lying on the examination table during my six-week postpartum checkup after my third child. My midwife was giving me a breast exam and jokingly commented about my large breasts. “Oh wow, your breasts are huge! Do you need a new steering wheel to drive with those?” I found myself bursting into tears—not just because of her remarks, but because it was the first moment I had been alone since my youngest was born. It hit me how desperately I had been looking forward to this appointment.
I was so overwhelmed that I found solace in being examined by the very person who witnessed my childbirth. I just wanted a moment to breathe, even if it meant enduring an awkward breast exam. One look at my face and my midwife understood. “You’re really in the thick of it. It’s tough, but I promise it gets better.”
Part of me wanted to shake her and demand to know when that would happen. I was terrified she’d say I’d have to wait 18 years for it to improve. Instead, I left the appointment and treated myself to my first coffee in six weeks, and it was divine.
That was nearly a decade ago, and since then, I’ve learned to care a little less about the little things. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, I want you to know it gets better. You’ll learn to cope. If you’ve cried during a breast exam because you feel stretched thin, you’re not alone. Go treat yourself afterward. If you find yourself feeling unappreciated and snapping at everyone, it may take time, but it will improve because you’ll get better at navigating this wild ride called parenting. You can love your kids fiercely while also loving yourself. It just takes practice.
Mothers often find themselves stretched too thin, regardless of how many children they have or whether they work outside the home or stay home. We all feel the weight of it often.
One significant change I made was to give fewer cares—essentially, I relaxed my expectations of myself. It’s okay to be late sometimes. If your kids resist getting dressed, let them stay in their pajamas. Don’t hesitate to ask for help when you need it. Whether it’s seeking a prescription for antidepressants or asking a friend to watch your kids while you run errands, your well-being is paramount. Don’t sacrifice it just because you didn’t expect to feel this way.
If you skip dinner occasionally, your family will survive. If you can’t clean up the mess your kids made while you took a shower, no one will notice. If you haven’t showered in days, it’s not the end of the world. If caffeine helps you function through endless games of Candy Land and a million questions, indulge in it.
When you’re in the thick of motherhood, it can be tough to put things in perspective. Sometimes, you just have to give yourself permission to step away and tackle it later. Schedule fewer activities, say “no” more often, and embrace the freedom in that without feeling guilty. You’ll feel liberated.
You’ll have days when you feel utterly spent, and tomorrow may not be any better. Yet, you’ll improve at coping and come to accept that chaos is the new normal. You’ll always have messes to clean up, but when your kids have grown, it won’t matter if the laundry was folded or if you served hot dogs for dinner multiple nights in a row.
What truly matters is that you took care of yourself during the hardest times so you could be present for your family. The difference lies in letting some things slide to handle the chaos of parenting. Remember, motherhood isn’t a race, though it can feel that way when you’re overwhelmed. We’ve all been there, so reach out to a friend, ask for assistance, and don’t hesitate to order takeout if you need a break. It won’t always feel this way. Things will get better.
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Summary:
Overwhelmed parenting can feel isolating, but it’s important to remember that things will improve. Mothers often face immense pressure, regardless of their circumstances, and it’s okay to relax expectations and ask for help. Embracing chaos as the new normal and prioritizing self-care is crucial in navigating parenting. Remember, it won’t always be this hard.