Let’s dive into a topic that often goes unspoken: the challenging kids. You know, the ones labeled as misbehaved, undisciplined, or overly needy. These are the children who don’t always flash easy smiles or readily give hugs to strangers. They’re certainly not the ones who seamlessly adapt to new environments.
They might refuse to try that new pizza brand you bought or feel hesitant about going to a camp you’ve signed them up for. They experience nightmares, carry big worries, and can easily resort to yelling or crying. These kids often come off as anxious or even angry. Intense is the most fitting description for them.
As a parent of two, I have one of these spirited kids. Yes, I hear people say, “Oh, mine is tough too! All kids are challenging!” While it’s true that every child presents their own set of complexities, only those of us with strong-willed children truly understand what it’s like.
We endure the heartache of watching our child’s personality clash with the expectations of relatives or friends: “Why didn’t he give me a high five right away?” “Why is she only eating crackers today?” “There’s something off about that kid.” “Why did he scream when I won the race?” “Doesn’t she want to play with the dollhouse?” “That kid just needs a good smack; that’ll fix him.”
I’ve overheard these comments directed at my son, who is just 6 years old. It can be exhausting, isolating, and hurtful.
Trust me, I recognize these kids are intense. We’re talking beyond the occasional tantrum or fussiness when they’re hungry. Kids like mine are often emotionally charged from the very beginning, perhaps even before birth. (I can still recall the technician chuckling at my lively baby during the ultrasound.)
These children can be demanding, tough to please, and frequently anxious. But here’s the silver lining: they are still just kids, and if you take the time to look beyond their tough exterior, you’ll discover their sweet, kind-hearted nature. They aren’t spoiled or neglected; they simply have strong personalities.
I don’t believe my parenting style “caused” my son to be more challenging than others, although I’m sure I’ve made my fair share of mistakes. On good days, I affectionately refer to him as my “grumpy little old man,” and I find him incredibly charming. Anyone willing to invest a few minutes to really engage with him will uncover a bright, funny, and affectionate child.
To those who don’t have an emotionally intense child, I encourage you to spend a little extra time appreciating the unique traits of kids like mine. Please resist passing judgment or assuming something is wrong with them (or their parents). Remember, that protective shell they show isn’t directed at you; it’s something they’ve built for themselves.
You might just be pleasantly surprised. Most importantly, your patience will be noticed and appreciated by both the child and the parent. I can assure you of that.
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In summary, emotionally intense children require understanding and patience. They may seem difficult at first glance, but with time, they reveal their endearing qualities. By embracing their uniqueness, we can foster connections that benefit everyone involved.