Parenting can be quite the rollercoaster ride. After many sleepless nights and moments of sheer panic, I’ve found my peace with a hot shower, a glass of wine, and maybe a little extra help from a calming supplement. Now, let’s dive in.
Being a mom is something I cherish. Most days, it feels rewarding—about 72.3% of the time, to be precise. Sure, I’m a bit loud at times and I do have a tendency to snack when overwhelmed—who doesn’t enjoy a Pop-Tart now and then? But hey, at least I haven’t harmed anyone else in the process!
Let’s face it, my kids are their own unique individuals. They express themselves in ways that sometimes catch me off guard. For instance, one of them proudly wore a rainbow sash as a bridesmaid at a same-sex wedding, while another is convinced that their favorite political figure still has a chance to make a comeback. And then there’s the one who has taken to a very strong stance on their beliefs, even sporting a bumper sticker that could stir up a conversation or two. None of these beliefs were forced on them by my husband and me.
For those unfamiliar with our family dynamics, we thought we were doing so well that we decided to welcome three additional kids through foster care and adoption. One of them has a penchant for biting—seriously, it’s like a miniature dinosaur! Another is a nonstop chatterbox, making comments like, “Why is your head so big?” or “That baby isn’t cute; mine is the best.”
After dealing with these two, I’ve learned to stay calm when I see a child wandering too close to the edge of something dangerous—like a tiger enclosure at the zoo. I often find myself thinking, “Please don’t let my family be on the evening news again.”
I do keep an eye on them, guide them, and pray for their well-being. I even cut the crusts off their sandwiches and make sure they’re clean and well-groomed. Yet, they remain a delightful mess.
Take my 14-year-old, for example. She has an incredible talent for playing the piano by ear—something she’s been doing since she was two. She can sing beautifully, too. While I appreciate her gifts, I can’t help but feel a little intimidated. We even lock our bedroom door at night, fearing she might unleash her talents in the middle of the night! We’re thrilled for her, of course, and secretly hope her future success helps us out financially in our golden years. But her achievements are hers alone; they aren’t a reflection of our parenting.
In this society, there’s a tendency to equate parenting success with our kids’ accomplishments. When a child struggles, it’s easy to point fingers and blame the mom: “She must have done something wrong.”
I can admit it, I probably have made some mistakes along the way. However, we also need to acknowledge that our children come with their own personalities and traits. My bookshelves are filled with well-worn guides on raising strong-willed or challenging kids, while my journals are filled with the prayers of a worried mom. My blog details chaotic moments, from military school considerations to police visits, capturing the wild ride of motherhood.
In my heart, there are pieces longing to raise joyful, grounded, and decent human beings. As much as they are intertwined with my life, they are also independent individuals. Yes, my kids have the potential to achieve great things; they might also stumble and make mistakes. They might even offend someone or find themselves in trouble. While I hope for the best, I can’t ensure their perfection.
Just the other day at a store, I witnessed a young mom with a child who had special needs. The struggle she faced was palpable, and the stares from others only made it worse. My daughter, another mom, and I jumped in to help her gather her things and get to her car. As we strapped her son into his seat, she burst into tears, saying, “I’m not a bad mom. I’m doing my best. My boy means everything to me…”
These kids, while a part of us, are also separate beings with their own paths. They each possess unique talents and challenges. One might require medication, another might find joy in a simple job, while one could even discover a cure for a disease.
So, I’m writing this to remind myself and all the other moms out there that our kids aren’t perfect, and neither are we. But that doesn’t mean we aren’t good moms.
If you’re looking for more insights and support on parenting, or perhaps interested in home insemination, check out this post for helpful information and resources.
Summary:
Being a mom is a unique journey filled with challenges and joys. Each child is an individual with their own personality, and while parents may feel the weight of their children’s actions, it’s important to recognize that every kid will have their own path, successes, and failures. Embracing this reality is part of being a good parent.