This summer has been quite a challenge. My partner heads off to work, and I find myself staring at the clock, hoping it will reveal some magical way to fill our days with activities. With all three kids at home, I am their sole source of entertainment and the one who caters to their every need. I’ve tried organizing playdates, but our friends have scattered to beaches and family gatherings or are busy with work, just like I used to be.
On scorching days, I dream of the beach, but instead, we are forced to retreat to our air-conditioned home, where the blinds are drawn. Our playroom’s contents are dragged from room to room, leaving me feeling like I’m wading through a chaotic sea of board game pieces and toys.
Needless to say, I’ve been looking forward to the start of school for a while now. However, while the thought of easing my daily responsibilities from managing three kids to just one brings immense relief—especially during grocery shopping—it doesn’t overshadow the reality that my eldest is starting kindergarten. Kindergarten! Like many milestones in my children’s lives, this transition brings a whirlwind of emotions.
Anxiety
is my constant companion. My oldest child isn’t a morning person, and honestly, neither am I. Our morning routine resembles this:
Me: “Time to get dressed!”
Five minutes later: “Seriously, it’s time to get dressed!”
Another five minutes: “Are you actually still in your pajamas?”
Then I’m left with no choice but to grab the keys and the other kids, pretending I might leave her behind in just her underwear because, apparently, she would rather engage in a 188th round of a Where’s Waldo? puzzle than listen to me.
There are tantrums. There are tears. Mornings in our house are far from ideal. Who knows what chaos will unfold next Tuesday morning? I can already envision my child being the only one who arrives late on her first day of kindergarten.
Anxiety
continues to swirl. I’ve checked with her preschool friends, and none of them are in her class. I don’t typically overanalyze my child’s emotional state, but I know I’ll be thinking about her that first day, wondering if she feels lonely or out of place. It’s a pang of motherly concern I can’t shake.
Anxiety
is overwhelming as a first-time public school parent. I see so many moms who seem to effortlessly manage drop-offs, pickups, school lunches, PTA, and homework—things I’m still figuring out. One day, I’ll be one of those moms, but right now, I feel like I’ve just stepped into a Zumba class for the first time: clueless and out of my element.
Anxiety
about her behavior is also a concern. Please let her not be “that kid.” I hope she keeps her fingers out of her nose, uses her manners, and knows when to stop talking when the teacher says to hush. I pray she doesn’t use words like “vagina” or “nipples”—two of her favorites—while in class. I want her to show the world what a great parent I am.
So yes, I’m feeling a bit anxious about kindergarten—though I’d never let my 5-year-old know that, as she has her own worries. For her sake, I’ll hold it together long enough to give her a loving hug and wave as I send her off to her new classroom. Then I’ll shed a few tears in the car, drop my middle child off at preschool, and head to the grocery store with the baby, feeling grateful for the 180 days of peace before summer rolls around again.
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