In an ideal world, both parents share the responsibility of their child’s education. However, in reality, I’ve often found myself shouldering this duty alone as the mother. But this year, I’m determined to change that by making sure my daughter’s school recognizes that her father, too, is an active participant in her education.
As the school year approached, I noticed the welcome emails and greetings from new teachers flooding my inbox. Not this time, I thought. It was time to take action. So, I crafted a straightforward message to the principal.
Dear Principal Smith,
We’re excited for the upcoming school year. Please ensure that [my daughter’s father] is included on your email list for all communications. It’s essential for our family that he receives all school-wide updates going forward.
With a click of “send,” I felt a sense of empowerment. This year, there would be no special treatment for my partner whenever he stepped into the school. My small act of advocacy was a gentle reminder: I’m not the only one responsible for our child’s education.
The assumption that I alone am accountable for our daughter’s success can be frustrating for both my partner and me, as it confines us to outdated gender roles. Whenever I’m present, he often fades into the background. The enthusiastic reactions from teachers when he shows up quickly dissipate after his introduction, leaving him feeling overlooked. Yet, if he manages to contribute, the praise he receives is overwhelming. His thoughts are treated as groundbreaking, while my contributions often go unnoticed. It’s a frustrating double standard that many mothers can relate to—dads just need to show up and they’re celebrated.
Fathers today are involved in countless ways: from stay-at-home dads to PTA volunteers and diaper-changers. The traditional stereotype of the absent father is fading fast. As someone who grew up with an engaged father, I know firsthand how valuable active participation is. My dad attended every parent-teacher conference, cooked meals, and supported my activities. This set a high bar for what I expect from fatherhood.
This is why I sent that email. I want my daughter’s school to view me as an afterthought, just like they do her father. Imagine a school year where I could walk in and not feel the pressure to do anything. It would be liberating! But, alas, that’s just a dream. Instead, we need to elevate expectations for both parents. My partner should receive emails, and he deserves acknowledgment as the engaged parent he is. We are not co-parents; we are simply parents. When asked to volunteer, I’ll share his email. When the principal looks to me for leadership in the PTA, I’ll redirect that to him.
Interestingly, after I took this stand, another father stepped up and announced, “We’re meeting next week at the same time, same place!” I thought to myself, “Great job,” and kept the compliment to myself.
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In conclusion, it’s crucial for schools to expect involvement from both moms and dads. By raising awareness and expectations, we can foster a more inclusive environment for our children’s education.