As my partner and I approach our 18th anniversary, I’ve gathered some insights about marriage that I believe might resonate with others on a similar journey. These lessons may or may not be universal, but they’ve certainly shaped our relationship.
- We don’t complete each other.
That famous quote from Jerry Maguire once struck a chord with me, but now it feels a bit misguided. Ideally, both individuals in a relationship should be whole and constantly evolving into their best selves. My partner and I enhance each other’s growth by complementing one another rather than completing each other. - Laughing off minor quirks is essential.
Everyone has their imperfections, and sharing life with someone means encountering a few annoyances. When we view each other’s quirks humorously, they become charming rather than irritating. For example, my partner has a quirky habit of leaving tiny food scraps on the cutting board, which I jokingly call his tribute to the food gods. - Nitpicking is unnecessary.
Did you know that “nitpicking” comes from lice? It’s true! Focus on faults and nagging over trivial issues isn’t worth it. Refer to my previous point. - Understanding love languages is crucial.
Both my partner and I aren’t big on gift-giving, which is why we skip birthday presents. He shows his love through words of affirmation and acts of service, while I express mine through quality time and physical touch. Knowing our love languages has been a game-changer. - Physical intimacy is important.
While sex won’t save a failing marriage, it can smooth over minor issues. Each couple’s intimate life is unique, but many small grievances fade away when both partners feel connected in that way. Balancing intimacy with parenting challenges is worth the effort. - Kids complicate marriage.
Becoming parents reshapes marriage in many ways. Your time, energy, finances, and identities undergo significant changes. While parenting is rewarding, it’s not without its challenges, and anyone believing a baby will mend a shaky marriage is mistaken. - Open conversations and a good night’s sleep help.
The saying “never go to bed angry” isn’t always applicable for us. When I’m tired, my irritation often diminishes by morning. If we talk through issues before bed and I still feel off, I trust that clarity will come with rest. - Different methods don’t equal wrong methods.
After 18 years, my partner and I still can’t agree on how to fold laundry. I don’t even understand his technique for folding T-shirts! But that’s okay. - Similar tastes in music and movies are a bonus.
I cherish sharing music and discussing films with my partner. While some couples thrive despite differing tastes, I’m grateful we align in this aspect. - Shared core beliefs matter.
Especially when raising children, having similar values and faith is beneficial. I’ve seen many marriages struggle due to conflicting beliefs, which can be a continuous challenge. - Small gestures leave a lasting impact.
Every morning, my partner makes me a latte and brings it to me in bed. This simple act reinforces my sense of love and appreciation. Small acts of kindness, like doing chores or surprising each other with treats, enhance our bond. - Laughter is priceless.
I believe that laughing together strengthens our connection even more than physical intimacy. It fills me with joy to see my partner laughing until he cries. - Looking forward is fun.
While I cherish our family life, I also eagerly anticipate our future once the kids are grown. We often dream about our plans for the empty nest phase, which signals a strong partnership. - Love evolves over time.
The initial spark of a relationship is different from the enduring flame that keeps it alive. Many believe that the loss of those early fireworks indicates a problem, but the deep warmth of lasting love is just as powerful, though it may look different. - Marriage demands compromise and sacrifice.
Successful partnerships require willingness to give and take. My partner and I have always been easygoing, but we also understand the importance of staying mindful and avoiding selfishness. - Love and commitment are daily choices.
Each day presents a chance to nurture or neglect your relationship. Life can get hectic, but maintaining a loving mindset is crucial. We chose to marry on our wedding day and have continued to choose each other every day since. - Time flies when you’re enjoying life.
These 18 years have been filled with family, friends, and laughter. Sometimes it feels like we’ve been married forever, yet I’m amazed at how quickly the time has passed. Despite life’s challenges, I’m grateful for this journey. - What works for us may not work for others.
Every couple’s dynamics are unique. Our marriage thrives due to a blend of laid-back personalities, conscious effort, and a bit of luck. There’s no universal secret to a happy marriage; each couple must discover their own path.
Here’s to all of us on this lifelong journey of love, learning, and letting go of the little things. If you’re interested in exploring more about family-building options, I highly recommend checking out this excellent resource.
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Summary:
In nearly two decades of marriage, I’ve learned that love is about complementing one another, embracing quirks, and understanding love languages. While parenting can complicate relationships, small gestures and laughter create lasting bonds. Every couple will navigate their unique journey, but the commitment to love and support one another remains paramount.