Dear Family,
We truly cherish you and appreciate the role you play in our lives and the lives of our children. We want you to be a part of our world, to visit, and for our kids to grow up with meaningful connections with you. Your presence is important to us, just as we hope we are important to you.
With that said, we feel it’s essential to establish some simple guidelines for our interactions. These aren’t strict rules, nor are they meant to criticize past actions. They’re meant to foster the best relationships possible and to ensure our time together is enjoyable for everyone.
Dos and Don’ts
DO NOT force our kids to hug you or make them feel guilty for not doing so. While you may view a hug as a sign of affection, our children may not feel the same way, especially if they don’t see you often. We are teaching them the importance of bodily autonomy, helping them understand they don’t have to hug or kiss anyone against their will, even family. A friendly high-five or wave can be just as meaningful!
DO NOT go overboard with gifts during the holidays. We appreciate your thoughtfulness, but experiences are often more valuable than physical items. An annual membership to the zoo or tickets to a local children’s museum can create lasting memories. Please focus on gifts that foster creativity, like building sets or books, rather than accumulating more plastic toys that beep and take up space in our home.
DO make an effort to take the kids out one at a time. Whether it’s a trip to get ice cream or a day at the park, individual outings will create cherished memories and strengthen your relationship with them.
DO engage with them beyond just asking, “How’s school?” Show genuine interest in their hobbies. Even toddlers have passions, whether it’s their favorite show or toy. If they love Doc McStuffins, watch an episode with them, or if they’re Lego enthusiasts, build something together. Your investment in their interests will leave a lasting impression.
DO NOT challenge our parenting in front of the kids. If it’s bedtime, please don’t suggest they can stay up longer. This undermines our authority, and we’d prefer you bring it up privately. We may consider your request more favorably when not in the heat of the moment.
DO support our parenting decisions. If we’ve told a child to stop a behavior, it helps if you reinforce that message. Kids don’t want to misbehave in front of others, and your support can make a difference. However, please wait until we address any discipline matters before stepping in to correct behavior.
DO discipline our children in a manner consistent with our approach when we’re not around. If we typically use words and time-outs, please follow that method. Avoid methods we’ve explicitly stated we disapprove of, as this can cause confusion and frustration.
DO remember they are children and adjust your expectations accordingly. If we’re waiting, there may be times when they act out or need to release some energy. Kids can be messy and chaotic—that’s just part of growing up! Please don’t judge us harshly for their normal, albeit sometimes outrageous, behavior.
By following these guidelines, we can create a harmonious environment for everyone—parents, kids, and relatives alike. We love you and genuinely want our time together to be as enjoyable as possible. Your cooperation will help us all feel the love.
For more parenting tips, check out our other blog posts, like this one.
Summary: This article outlines essential dos and don’ts for relatives interacting with young children, focusing on fostering positive relationships and respecting parenting choices. It encourages thoughtful gift-giving, individual attention to kids, and reinforcement of parenting decisions to enhance family connections.