We found ourselves in a bustling doctor’s office, waiting in a crowded area near the fish tank. A little girl, around the same age as my eldest, approached us, accompanied by her mother.
Within moments, the girl leaned in toward my toddler, trying to initiate a hug, as kids often do. As is my habit, I stepped in gently, guiding the girl away from my little one and creating some space for her. “Could you please give her a bit of room?” I asked with a friendly smile.
The girl seemed unaffected, which is typical of children. Thankfully, her mom didn’t react negatively either. A moment later, she remarked, “She just loves to show affection, you know?”
I understand that. Children are inherently affectionate and often overlook personal boundaries. While it’s a charming quality in theory, reality presents a more complex picture.
Consider the obvious issues like germs and sickness. We were in a doctor’s waiting area, arguably one of the germiest places around. I hesitate to let my children even touch the chairs, let alone engage with other kids.
But the importance of this goes beyond germs. I wish it weren’t necessary to teach children about consent before they can even string together coherent sentences. Unfortunately, this is the world we live in. As a mother of three young girls, this lesson is crucial.
Even though my toddler may not be able to voice her discomfort, she deserves respect for her personal space. She is not obligated to accept hugs or cuddles—especially from strangers—simply because she is small and adorable.
This lesson benefits not just her but also her older sister, who enjoys hugging and playing with her. Even though they are siblings, I intervene every time. Being family does not grant them automatic permission to invade each other’s personal space without consent. Period.
To clarify, we are a loving family that shares plenty of hugs, snuggles, and kisses. The goal isn’t to discourage affection but to promote awareness about the importance of consent. If my toddler is busy playing and someone invades her space for a hug while she squirms away, that’s not acceptable. It’s entirely different when she willingly embraces someone who asks for a hug.
We teach our children that hugs and kisses aren’t something to be taken without permission. They don’t have to allow others into their space if they’re not comfortable, even if those individuals are simply trying to express affection.
True love is not about physical contact; it’s about respect. It’s our responsibility to instill in our children the values of giving and expecting respect from others.
So, don’t be surprised if I stop your child from hugging my toddler or gently remove their hands from my baby. And if my six-year-old chooses to hug your child goodbye, but your child squeezes too tightly (as kids do), know that I will step in to remind them both that affection must always be respectful.
I never want my children to feel pressured into uncomfortable situations for the sake of politeness or because they lack the voice to assert themselves. Likewise, I never want them to unintentionally put someone else in that position.
If my girls—and every other child—grow up understanding the importance of honoring their own feelings and bodies, and demanding the respect they deserve while also offering respect to others, then we will have succeeded.
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Summary
In a world where teaching consent to children is vital, it’s essential to respect personal boundaries, even in affectionate situations. Children should learn that they have the right to refuse hugs and physical contact, regardless of the intentions behind them. This lesson in respect is crucial for their development and interpersonal relationships.