I’ve always struggled with the word “no.” As someone who thrives on making others happy, I often find myself prioritizing their feelings over my own. My compassion runs deep; I genuinely feel for those who are hurting and want to help ease their pain. This tendency often leads me to overextend myself, neglecting my own needs.
While many people see me as kind and dependable, my tendency to give so much can leave me feeling drained and heartbroken. I’ve often found myself in situations where I’m pouring out my energy for everyone else, forgetting that I also need care. In my quest for kindness, I’ve allowed unkind individuals into my life, thinking my empathy could change them. However, the only person who ended up changed was me—exhausted and diminished.
Recently, I experienced a significant turning point. After years as a stay-at-home mom, I took on multiple responsibilities, including freelance writing and managing my own part-time business, all while volunteering for an organization for seven years. I was also juggling the demands of young children with a husband who worked long hours and almost no outside help. The pressure was unbearable, and I realized that my family was suffering alongside me.
The wake-up call came when my 3-year-old son approached me while I was glued to my phone, asking, “Mommy, put down your phone. I miss you.” In that moment, I was struck by the realization that my most crucial commitment was being neglected. It was time to make changes.
Shortly after, I let go of my volunteer position, and to my surprise, the organization thrived without me. I also decided to pause my part-time business until my son starts school full-time. Additionally, I took a hard look at my social media presence, unfollowing accounts that drained my energy and blocking those who brought negativity into my life.
Establishing boundaries has been transformative. Although it was painful to say no, the relief and freedom that followed have been indescribable. There’s a saying that resonates with me: “You can be a good person with a kind heart and still say no.” This mantra will guide me as I continue to embrace my kindness while prioritizing my own needs.
Many of us, especially mothers, struggle with the desire to please everyone. We often equate self-care with selfishness, but it’s actually a testament to our strength. Our children need to see us advocating for our well-being, demonstrating that we can make choices that serve our lives best. Remember, we can’t bring happiness to others if we’re not happy ourselves.
So, give yourself permission to say no and leave the guilt behind. You are in control of your life. Trust your instincts and listen to your heart. You’ll be amazed at how liberating it feels.
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In summary, learn to say no without guilt, prioritize your self-care, and empower yourself to make choices that benefit your overall happiness.