We all have those dreaded household chores that we’d rather avoid at all costs. Some people can’t stand vacuuming, while others despise scrubbing toilets. But for me, laundry takes the cake as the worst task imaginable—my disdain for it could rival the tantrums of a thousand cranky toddlers.
The problem with laundry is that it’s never truly complete. Unless you’re living in a nudist commune, as soon as you wash and dry the clothes piled up in the basket, the garments you’re currently wearing suddenly need attention too, along with everyone else’s.
Doing laundry isn’t straightforward like washing dishes, which is a one-and-done deal. Laundry involves a multitude of steps: gathering, sorting, washing, drying, folding, and finally, putting everything away. With all these steps, it feels like a never-ending cycle that just won’t quit.
To illustrate my deep-seated aversion to laundry, here’s a lighthearted list of 50 activities I would rather engage in than face the laundry monster:
- Journey to Mars with 17 toddlers.
- Have a slapstick comedian perform heart surgery on me.
- Relive my middle school years.
- Give up chocolate forever.
- Swear off alcohol for life.
- Attend a political rally I don’t support.
- Bathe in spicy jalapeño juice.
- Grow up resembling Mike Wazowski from Monsters, Inc.
- Let my 4-year-old give me a haircut.
- Give birth to a sperm whale.
- Allow my kids to play with glitter.
- Wear a bridesmaid dress daily for a year.
- Get a paper cut on my eye.
- Endure a permanent sunburn.
- Walk barefoot in the snow uphill both ways.
- Host Thanksgiving dinner for a celebrity family.
- Live next door to an overly cheerful neighbor.
- Experience constant noisy home renovations with jackhammers.
- Survive in a world without disinfecting wipes.
- Part with my beloved yoga pants.
- Appear on a sensational talk show.
- Be unable to pluck stray chin hairs and resemble a rock band member.
- Develop a sudden allergy to cheese.
- Watch an endless marathon of a children’s TV show.
- Embrace an Amish lifestyle.
- Trim my toenails with a machete.
- Share my life with a quirky celebrity.
- Hire a messy character as my housekeeper.
- Listen to my toddler’s knock-knock jokes ad infinitum.
- Adopt a pet anaconda.
- Go on vacation with a large, religious family.
- Read the comments on a controversial news site.
- Sit next to a tuna-eating stranger on a flight.
- Eat a kale salad.
- Have a celebrity chef critique my cooking.
- Visit a favorite restaurant only to find they’ve changed their menu.
- Kiss a jellyfish.
- Attend a cringe-worthy movie premiere.
- Walk barefoot at a theme park after a storm.
- Eat fast food and struggle to find a restroom afterward.
- Have my husband undergo a medical procedure.
- Rely on a questionable website for medical advice.
- Wear a bright leotard to church.
- Become a cat enthusiast.
- Live out all my stress-induced nightmares.
- Be a target for an Olympic sports team.
- Explain a complex movie plot to someone who’s never seen it.
- Make a theme park ride my permanent home.
- Experience electric shocks every time I try to use the restroom alone.
- Watch as my kids discover and devour my hidden snack stash.
I could keep this list going, but alas, the dryer just chimed. Time to fold some clothes and feel a little piece of my soul fade away with each crease. For more insights on parenting and related topics, you can check out this blog post on home insemination kits, or learn about fertility supplements that can help in your journey. If you’re looking for excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination, visit UCSF’s Center.
Summary
Laundry is a never-ending chore that many loathe. To highlight this disdain, the author presents a humorous list of 50 activities they would choose over doing laundry, illustrating the overwhelming nature of this household task.