When my son, Alex, came out to us at the age of 13, it was a moment filled with love and understanding. While I had suspected it for some time, it was still a significant step for him and our family. Together, we’ve had meaningful conversations about the unique challenges that LGBTQ+ individuals face in society. We’ve attended pride festivals, and I could sense the joy on Alex’s face when marriage equality became a reality.
As an out parent of an LGBTQ+ teen, I quickly realized that people often make thoughtless remarks, usually stemming from a good place but lacking understanding. If you’re a parent of a gay teen, suspecting your child might be, or simply a friend or family member, here are a few statements to avoid.
“How can they know they’re gay at such a young age?”
This question is incredibly common, especially since Alex is only 15, and it drives me a bit crazy. Think back to your first crush—wasn’t it before you hit double digits? Yet, no one questioned your feelings for the opposite sex. This perspective can help others understand that feelings of attraction can emerge early, regardless of orientation. Instead of asking kids if they have a girlfriend, consider rephrasing it to “Do you have a crush?” This way, you keep it open-ended and inclusive.
“Are you sure this isn’t just a phase?”
Why does it matter? No matter whom our children choose to love, what’s essential is that they experience healthy, supportive relationships. If they explore different orientations, celebrate that they are learning about love! Let’s hope future generations feel free to embrace love without the weight of societal judgment.
“Aren’t you worried they might get STDs?”
This is a concern for all teens, regardless of their orientation. Instead of focusing solely on AIDS, let’s teach all our kids about safe sex practices and healthy relationships. Providing resources like condoms at home ensures they can make safe choices and feel secure.
“At least you won’t have to worry about unplanned pregnancies.”
While that might be a silver lining, it hardly outweighs the real challenges our LGBTQ+ children face. Even with growing acceptance, the reality is that they may encounter discrimination and hostility simply for who they love. The focus should be on their emotional and physical safety, which is far more pressing than the slim chance of an unplanned pregnancy.
“Do you think they’ll have a traditional life with marriage someday?”
As a 46-year-old parent, I can confidently say that the “normal” life our kids pursue will differ greatly from what was anticipated in our youth. Many straight teens won’t follow the traditional path either. Instead of aiming for a cookie-cutter life, I hope Alex and his siblings find fulfilling careers and meaningful relationships that bring them joy.
Ultimately, my wish for Alex is that he leads a life filled with compassion, open-mindedness, and love. That’s all any parent can really ask for.
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In summary, as we navigate parenthood, especially with LGBTQ+ teens, it’s crucial to be mindful of our words. Encouraging love, acceptance, and understanding will help create a more inclusive world for our children.