By: Laura Thompson
Updated: Aug. 10, 2016
Originally Published: Aug. 10, 2016
As I sit at the outdoor play area of a fast-food restaurant, I can’t help but chuckle at how different my parenting philosophy is now compared to when I first became a mom. A decade into motherhood and nearing my 40s, I’ve come to realize that being overly idealistic about what my kids experience is just a recipe for stress. It’s liberating to recognize that the quest for perfection is simply unrealistic.
So here I am, allowing my 3-year-old son, Max, to sip on chocolate milk that’s likely loaded with additives. Sure, it’s not the healthiest choice, but at least he’s happily distracted while I enjoy the free Wi-Fi (kudos to this fast-food chain for that smart move).
Max is playing with a pair of twins who seem to be just a bit younger than him. They’re having a blast, taking turns on the slide—which mostly involves a lot of playful shoving. It’s adorable to watch, and honestly, I’m just glad he’s entertained for a while.
The twins’ mom, Julia, and I get to chatting. She asks about Max’s age, school, and then dives right into the matter of the moment: “Is he potty trained yet?” It’s always amusing how quickly we parents get into the details of our children’s bathroom habits when meeting someone new.
“Sort of,” I reply. “He still wears a pull-up for naps and bed, especially when I’m feeling lazy about public restrooms on road trips.”
Her relief is palpable. “Really? Oh my, that’s so comforting to hear! My twins just turned 3, and potty training has been a nightmare.”
We share stories about our potty training journeys, and I can’t help but reminisce about the struggle I had with my first child, which was far from smooth or timely.
One of the benefits of being an older mom is that I can now look back at those chaotic experiences and laugh. But I can also sense the pressure Julia is putting on herself to make everything perfect. After all, this is her first go at parenting toddlers (and she’s managing two at once!). I can see how much she wants everything to go according to some idealized plan.
I remember being in her shoes. My first child, Leo, was my everything. I was hyper-focused on his every need, trying to create picture-perfect days filled with crafts and activities I found on Pinterest. I even collaborated with him on a book when he was just 2!
While there’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting to create special moments, the issue lay in my expectations. I wanted a flawless childhood for him, full of sunshine and laughter. But children are naturally messy, tantrum-prone, and unpredictable. Sometimes, my attempts at creating those picture-perfect days fell flat, leaving me feeling like a total failure.
It took me a long time to realize that the real problem wasn’t with my child or my parenting, but rather my unrealistic expectations. Once I accepted that perfection in parenting is a myth—simply put, it’s a load of nonsense—I became a much happier mom. Our best efforts are truly enough. Kids crave a messy, adventurous childhood. They need the freedom to disrupt our plans in the name of fun and exploration.
So, why does it take us parents so long to figure this out? I wanted to grab Julia’s hand and let her know she’s not alone in this struggle. Maybe even splash her with a cup of water from the counter to shake her out of her idealistic thoughts.
But in reality, older parents might come off a bit too relaxed, and that can be frustrating for those just starting out. We genuinely want to ease your worries and help you realize that parenting doesn’t necessarily get easier. While older kids can be just as challenging, what does become easier is letting go of that unrealistic pursuit of perfection.
You start to think, “If I survived years of sleepless nights, I can definitely help my kid with math homework—or at least pretend to!” And while the worry about their future—a college education, for instance—might loom large, it’s comforting to know that we can navigate these challenges without striving for an unattainable ideal of perfection.
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Summary:
In this piece, Laura Thompson reflects on the evolution of her parenting perspective as she embraces the realities of motherhood. After years of striving for perfection, she realizes that accepting messiness and unpredictability is key to enjoying the journey. Through a humorous encounter at a fast-food restaurant, she shares her insights on letting go of unrealistic expectations, offering encouragement to new parents facing similar struggles.