My husband, Jake, has been obsessed with cars since he was a child. My mother-in-law loves to share stories about how he was tinkering with engines at just three years old and even took the family car for a joyride at twelve. His passion for everything automotive has only intensified over the years, as evidenced by the overflowing collection of cars in our garage. To say he lives and breathes cars would be an understatement. Our neighbors often shake their heads as they see our expanded garage, which sometimes drives me absolutely bonkers (pun intended!).
In stark contrast, I can tell you my car is gray and has four wheels, but that’s about the extent of my car knowledge. I’m completely lost when it comes to mechanics, and terms like “torque” and “horsepower” make my eyes glaze over. I pick my vehicles based on the number of cup holders and automatic doors, while Jake dives deep into the technical specifications. When I attempt to explain a car issue with phrases like “there’s a weird sound from the part by the wheel,” he just shakes his head.
While I can’t imagine spending hours at an auto show or covered in grease, Jake can’t fathom my love for reading. Although he’s not illiterate, curling up with a gripping thriller is the last thing he’d choose to do. He doesn’t want to engage in long discussions about characters and themes, and he rolls his eyes when he sees me crying during a touching story. Books provide me an escape from the whirlwind of motherhood, and I could easily spend hours at a bookstore. Jake may glance at a magazine now and then, but he’d much rather be in his garage, listening to NASCAR while working on his cars.
So what’s the takeaway? Despite our wildly different interests, Jake and I share a happy and fulfilling marriage. Over the years, we’ve learned to give each other the space and time to pursue our individual passions. Just because we don’t engage in these activities together doesn’t mean we aren’t close. Our unique interests have taught us to communicate our needs and to be honest about how important our hobbies are for our well-being.
That said, I haven’t completely tuned out Jake’s fascination with cars. I’ve picked up some knowledge about vintage models and even attended close to 50 car shows. I’ve even visited Henry Ford’s estate. I can appreciate the thrill of driving down a scenic road in a classic Mustang with the radio blaring. And yes, I might find the sound of a revving engine a tad alluring. But even with this newfound appreciation, cars will never be my passion, and Jake accepts my disinterest just as I accept that he’ll never have a strong opinion about Pride and Prejudice.
Our individual passions are essential to maintaining a healthy marriage. Between kids and careers, it’s easy for couples to fall into a monotonous routine. Engaging in our separate hobbies provides us with a much-needed break and helps us recharge. Plus, when Jake is happily working on his car, it leaves me the couch to enjoy my books with a glass of wine—definitely a win-win (another pun for good measure).
We’ve cultivated a mutual respect for each other’s interests. We chat about rare cars at shows and I share my thoughts on poignant scenes from my latest novel. Sure, I’ve rolled my eyes when he drags me into a parking lot to admire a car with an outrageous price tag, but I can’t resist his excitement when he talks about cars. Likewise, I know he loves seeing our kids snuggled up with me on the couch, lost in their own stories. And when he joins us with a car magazine, it feels like our hobbies peacefully coexist.
In summary, sharing different interests can enrich a marriage rather than detract from it. Individual passions foster personal growth and allow couples to support each other while maintaining their identities.