By: Alex Taylor
Updated: Aug. 9, 2016
Originally Published: Aug. 9, 2016
Failure. Just the word can send shivers down your spine. As someone who has often strived for perfection, I’ve had a rocky relationship with the concept of failing. I remember vividly pretending to run away from home in third grade because I received a C on a test. It wasn’t my parents’ expectations that haunted me; it was my own irrational fear of failure. I convinced myself that failing meant I was unworthy of love, leading to dramatic thoughts like escaping into the wilderness to spare my family from my perceived imperfections. A touch over the top? Absolutely.
For years, I was consumed by anxiety before any situation that might lead to failure. Tests, races, interviews, speeches, and even dates would leave me feeling physically ill. This exhausting cycle of fear made me avoid challenges altogether, and I ended up in a career that I was competent in but didn’t find fulfilling. I know many of you can relate to that struggle.
Then I became a parent. In my quest for knowledge about raising children, I embarked on the complex journey of parenting. I quickly discovered that failure is an essential part of growth. Surprised? You shouldn’t be! The reality is that we can’t shield our kids from every scrape or disappointment. We can’t eliminate their social struggles, bad decisions, or challenging moments on their path to adulthood. While we may wish we could, we have to allow them the space to stumble and learn from those experiences. It’s through these failures that they’ll make smarter choices and develop their own sense of identity, free from the constant oversight of their parents.
Take, for instance, the inspiring story of Lily Grant, who built a successful clothing brand from the ground up. She often speaks about how her father encouraged her to share her failures at family dinners. Rather than shying away from mistakes, they were openly discussed and even celebrated. If Lily ever struggled to recall a failure from the week, her father would nudge her to take more risks.
I can’t confidently say that I’ve completely let go of my fear of failure, nor do I think it’s entirely possible. I still have a strong desire to excel, and I must work hard to silence the negative voices in my head when I face setbacks. I often reflect on my own past failures like an old wound that I can’t help but poke at late at night.
However, I’ve reached a point where I sit down with my kids to discuss their highs and lows, including their failures. We unpack the decisions they made and explore what they might try differently in the future. I also share my own experiences, both the triumphs and the challenges. Our conversations often lead to playful protests from my kids, who jokingly beg me to stop discussing failures, promising they’ll have more to share soon.
So, for the sake of your children, let them take risks and face the consequences of their choices. They’ll grow from these experiences, and one day, when they’re thriving in their own right, they will thank you for allowing them to learn through failure.
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In summary, embracing failure is crucial for personal growth, both for parents and their children. By allowing kids to experience setbacks, we equip them with the tools to navigate life’s challenges and ultimately become resilient individuals.