After welcoming our third child, I noticed my eldest son, Jake, was particularly observant about my changing body. He began to comment on my postpartum belly, playfully saying things like, “Mom, your belly looks like a deflated balloon!” or “It’s like a flat tire!” During cozy moments on the couch, he would squish my arm and say, “Momma, your arm is super squishy! Is mine as squishy?” When it was time to say goodnight, he would wrap his arms around me and say, “Your belly is so soft, it feels like a snuggly pillow. I love it!”
It struck me how crucial my reactions to his observations are. They could shape his perception of women’s bodies and even influence how he views his own body image. What if I responded with hurt or anger? If I said, “That’s not nice! Don’t say that about my tummy!” it would imply that there’s something wrong with how I look.
Alternatively, if I dismissed his comments with, “You shouldn’t talk about a woman’s body,” while that might be valid guidance for adults, it would teach him that bodies are something to be ashamed of. This would also discourage any further questions he might have, hindering that necessary safe space for dialogue between us.
Even saying, “I know…but I’ll lose the weight soon,” sends the message that a larger body is undesirable.
So, what do I tell him instead? I explain how my body used nutrients during pregnancy to grow and nourish the baby, and how it takes time to return to its pre-pregnancy shape. I talk about the changes my pelvis went through to accommodate our child. Throughout our conversations, I make sure my facial expressions reflect positivity.
I share that I exercise to keep my body healthy and strong. I emphasize the importance of eating foods that energize and nourish me. I also mention that I choose clothes that make me feel confident and beautiful.
While I may not be changing the world with these conversations, I believe I am influencing how my son perceives bodies, including his own.
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In summary, I am determined to foster a healthy dialogue with my son about bodies, particularly in the context of postpartum changes. By sharing my experiences positively, I hope to instill confidence and a healthy body image in him.