Before I became a parent, I thought I had parenting all figured out. Seriously, I was convinced I knew everything there was to know. I spent my teenage years babysitting to earn extra cash and later worked with kids as a nurse in a busy hospital. I thought I understood tantrums and nap times better than anyone who hadn’t actually lived with a little one. I would visit friends with children and offer unsolicited advice, like, “Have you tried [insert totally impractical suggestion]?” or “If you just did [insert clueless parenting tip], your child would behave so much better.”
My partner and I were certain that our future kids would be immune to poor parenting because we were so “informed.” Looking back, it’s clear we were utterly naïve. When our own kids finally arrived, it became obvious that we were completely out of our depth.
I often wonder how my parent friends tolerated my judgment during their toddler years. After all the times I offered ridiculous advice, they certainly had the right to kick me off my high horse. I realize now that I was foolish to think I knew anything about their parenting journey, especially when I had never dealt with the chaos of a child with a stomach bug in the backseat of my car.
So, if you don’t have kids and feel the urge to share parenting wisdom, please reconsider. Trust me, you really don’t have a clue, and it shows. After 13 years of navigating the ups and downs of parenting, I can confidently say that when someone without kids tries to give me advice, I roll my eyes so hard I might as well be on a roller coaster.
Unwanted Advice Can Come From Many Places
Unwanted advice can come from many places, but here are a few common offenders who often seem eager to judge tired parents:
Expectant Parents
You might think you have it all figured out since you’ve read every parenting book and aced your Lamaze class, but please keep your thoughts to yourself while I’m wrestling with my kids at the playground. I get it; you’re well-informed, but my kid is currently only interested in red Goldfish crackers. In those few moments of quiet while he munches away, I’m trying to collect my thoughts. You, on the other hand, have yet to experience the sleepless nights and bathroom sob sessions that come with having a newborn. Just wait until you find yourself in that situation.
Pet Parents
As a dog owner myself, I can tell you that raising dogs and kids is entirely different. Please don’t offer advice based on Fido’s sleeping patterns when I’m struggling with my child’s nighttime antics. While caring for animals is commendable, it doesn’t translate to parenting a human. If you want to discuss how to keep your dog from leaving surprises in my living room, I’m all ears. But your tips on your iguana’s diet in relation to my toddler? Not so much.
Childcare Professionals
We rely on professionals to help guide us through parenting, from nurses to psychologists. However, their expertise can sometimes fall short if they don’t have children of their own. I trust the advice of a pediatrician with kids who understands the chaos of family life far more than one who has only studied it. Being around kids in a structured setting doesn’t compare to the reality of raising them yourself.
Parenting is challenging enough without the extra pressure from those who have never walked in your shoes. It’s easy to second-guess your choices when someone without kids suggests that perhaps you should breastfeed in a more private setting. Each child is unique, and parenting advice rarely fits all. The more I navigate this journey, the more I believe in the power of listening and support rather than unsolicited advice. So unless you’re recommending a good wine pairing for tackling common core math homework, please save your breath.
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Summary
This article reflects on the misconceptions many have about parenting before they experience it firsthand. It emphasizes the importance of understanding the unique challenges parents face and discourages those without children from offering unsolicited advice.