Recently, I embarked on a little experiment with my children, who are 3 and 4 years old. They had been particularly challenging, filled with tantrums, loud outbursts, and plenty of whining. As someone who considers myself a “fixer,” I had the tendency to treat my kids’ behavior as issues that needed solving. I thought of their struggles as problems I could tackle and improve upon.
So, I decided to declare a “yes” day. My plan was simple: if I granted them everything they desired, surely they would be happy, and the chaos would calm down. I pictured our day resembling the feel-good finale of a Disney movie, complete with laughter and hugs.
The day began. We played all their favorite games and even invented some new ones. We danced, sang, and dressed up in costumes. I allowed them to unleash their creativity with Play-Doh and glitter—yes, I was that desperate! We visited the park and indulged in their favorite snacks. They expressed a desire to help make dinner, so we whipped up some muffins together. I laughed at their jokes and cheered on every little thing they did.
It was exhausting, but I thought it would surely result in an unforgettable, magical day. However, here’s what I discovered: nothing changed. They continued to whine, cry, and throw tantrums. They still felt like they were missing out, and their behavior didn’t magically transform.
In essence, they remained little kids. I realized that toddlers and preschoolers aren’t puzzles to be solved. In my quest to eliminate their “bad” behavior, I had forgotten that they are just children learning to navigate their world. They’re figuring out right from wrong, testing boundaries, and experiencing the consequences of their actions. They’re in the midst of growth and discovery, trying to understand their roles within our family and who they want to become.
From this experiment, I learned that a single day of “yes” wouldn’t resolve anything. Not even several “yes” days could do the trick—because kids aren’t problems to be fixed. They are individuals to be loved, taught, and nurtured. They need guidance, a listening ear, and a comforting embrace—not just a day filled with endless indulgences.
While I naturally want to “fix” my kids, I’ve recognized that I can’t. However, what I can do is give them my all every day. My capacity to do so may fluctuate. Some days, I’m filled with the patience to tackle puzzles with them or listen to the same joke over and over. On tougher days, I remind myself that I’m human too, with my own moods and challenges. But as long as I give them what I can, I’m doing well. And if I do that, I believe wholeheartedly they’ll grow into wonderful individuals.
My hope moving forward is to spend more evenings feeling proud as a mother rather than worrying about my shortcomings. I wish the same for you.
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In summary, I’ve learned that fixing my children isn’t the answer. Instead, embracing them as they are and giving my full support daily is what truly matters.