Parenting shifts significantly once your children enter the tween phase. One of the most notable changes I’ve experienced is in discipline. The old tactics, like threatening to take away dessert, no longer cut it. My tweens are clever enough to sneak treats while I’m distracted—whether I’m in the shower, scrolling social media, or checking the mail. They’ve figured out all my hiding spots and can devour a slice of cake in just a few bites. Plus, they’re not yet driving, so revoking car privileges isn’t an option either. We’re all in this in-between stage together.
As I navigate this tween landscape, I’ve had to adapt my parenting style to manage their growing sass—this means finding new ways to ensure they truly listen to me. The classic “or else” has lost its effectiveness; they’ve realized it’s often just a bluff. A few weeks ago, I made the mistake of using it with my 12-year-old, who shot back, “Or else what? What does that even mean?” After a moment, I realized that in that instance, “or else” meant he’d lose his phone for the day, which got him moving quickly!
Here are a few fresh strategies I’ve come up with to help convey my messages:
- Mirror Their Style to Make a Point
Why do tweens insist on wearing their pants so low? We’ve worked hard to get them out of diapers! I found that the best way to get my son to pull up his pants is to imitate his style. One shopping trip, I adjusted my pants to sag as low as his to show him how ridiculous it looks. The result? A very embarrassed tween and a lesson learned—though the store manager didn’t appreciate my teaching method! - Use Music to Teach Life Lessons
Gone are the days of Disney songs; pop music now dominates our home. I want to understand what my kids are listening to, so I occasionally join them. While driving, I take the opportunity to discuss some of the questionable messages in their favorite songs. This approach is much more effective than lecturing them directly. If they start to tune me out, I remind them I might switch to “ancient” tunes from my college days. If they engage, they get to enjoy their music! - Investigate Their Phones
I’ve become quite the detective, trying to gather snippets about my kids’ daily lives. It’s a far cry from the endless questions I faced when they were younger. To get them talking, I’ve started asking about their texts or social media posts. This often leads to deeper conversations—much more revealing than the usual “nothing happened” responses I usually get! - Grant Yourself Some Space
Instead of sneaking off with snacks, I now feel free to ask my tweens to give me some space when I need it. I can take a moment to gather my thoughts while enjoying a treat, knowing they understand it’s because they’ve tested my patience. They usually know when they need to find something else to occupy their time.
As our children grow, our parenting methods must evolve. We love them fiercely, even if they test our limits more than they used to. With some creativity, we can manage their occasional “big kid” attitudes while ensuring they still feel supported.
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In summary, parenting tweens requires flexibility and creativity. By adapting our strategies and maintaining open lines of communication, we can guide them through this challenging phase with love and understanding.