As a child, I always imagined having a daughter who would mirror my own experiences. However, life surprised me with a household full of sons who are distinctly not daughters. They are boys, and their journeys will be vastly different from mine, shaped by the lens of masculinity.
Navigating the challenges of raising male children as a woman is complex, yet I feel privileged to be guiding the next generation of men. As a proud feminist, I’m determined to instill these values in my boys. My education at a women’s college, where feminism was a core principle, has profoundly influenced my beliefs. I have the unique opportunity to teach my sons about the significance of gender equality, empowering them to become advocates for women’s rights. I want to raise them as allies who work towards fair treatment and respect for all, rather than perpetuating outdated stereotypes.
As my boys grow older, I’ve begun to realize they will soon enter the dating world — a journey that will continue into adulthood. This is where I find myself grappling with a dilemma. How can I teach my sons that women are their equals, while also encouraging them to embrace traditional gestures of chivalry, like paying for dates or holding doors open? Does promoting chivalry contradict the ideals of feminism? It’s a question that has surfaced since they were born, leaving me to wonder if my understanding of feminism is truly aligned with my actions.
I wholeheartedly believe that women should have the same opportunities and recognition as men. I detest the objectification of women and stand firmly against any notion of inferiority based on gender. Yet, there’s something undeniably charming about men who display gentlemanly behaviors — those who pull out chairs, cover the bill, and offer assistance in small ways. Personally, I appreciate when my partner helps with the heavy lifting or makes me feel special through thoughtful gestures. If I were dating, I would prefer someone who treats me with kindness and respect rather than viewing our time together as casually as hanging out with friends.
But what does this mean for feminism and equality? It leaves me pondering how to guide my sons. Should I encourage them to be gentlemen, but not excessively so? Teach them to treat women as equals, yet also suggest they open car doors? I want to do right by them, ensuring they understand the importance of equality while not dismissing the thoughtful nature of chivalry. If I elevate women to a pedestal, will that conflict with the message of equality? It feels like a fine line, and I don’t want to confuse or contradict them in their understanding.
Ultimately, I think the best approach is to teach them to be good individuals. They should treat everyone with kindness, regardless of gender. Holding a door open should be a common courtesy for all, not just women. Paying for a meal when they’ve made the invitation or offering help to anyone in need should stem from a place of compassion, not obligation. I can model how to interact with others, showing that kindness is a choice we make to uplift those around us.
I am committed to raising my sons to challenge the barriers faced by their female peers, while ensuring they are not harmed in the process. For additional insights on the journey to parenthood, feel free to check out some of our other blog posts, like this one on home insemination methods.
In summary, the conversation around teaching chivalry to sons in the context of feminism is nuanced. It requires a balance between instilling respect, kindness, and equality, while also embracing the positive aspects of traditional gentlemanly behavior.