Who would have thought cargo shorts would earn such disdain? I’ll readily admit that my partner has significantly improved my wardrobe. I transitioned from oversized apparel to clothing that actually fits. My t-shirt game? Upgraded to stylish options (and I still love my tees!). I’ve swapped out for attractive jeans, fashionable shoes, and even opted for a fresh haircut, not to mention grabbing a couple of extra belts. At my partner’s urging—or perhaps without my knowledge—many of my college-era clothes have been tossed or donated. And honestly, I’m better for it.
Despite the occasional frustrations, marriage has refined my style. I’m more than happy to take my partner’s fashion advice, particularly since I’m colorblind. But everyone has their fashion no-go items. For me, it’s beloved t-shirts; for many men, it’s cargo shorts. Yet that hasn’t stopped partners everywhere from waging war on them.
A recent piece in the Wall Street Journal declared cargo shorts the epitome of bad taste. Women and fashion experts alike seem to loathe these pocket-filled garments. Golf courses have banned them, and TV personality Tim Gunn has labeled them the “least fashionable” item in his closet (who knew he owned cargo shorts?). Some women harbor a strong desire to see them obliterated. “I can’t stand them,” said one woman who secretly disposes of her husband’s shorts. “The ‘90s had some redeeming qualities, but cargo shorts were not one of them.”
To be fair, the ‘90s weren’t a fashion paradise. And let’s not forget, cargo shorts originated during WWII for their practicality. Men don’t carry purses, so we often need additional pockets—especially as dads. I don’t wear cargo shorts, but I know plenty of fathers who do, and I’ve witnessed them pull everything from smoothies to diapers from those bulky pockets. I’ve never seen a woman extract anything remotely useful from her yoga pants, nor have I seen a pair of cargo shorts with “JUICY” emblazoned on the back. So let’s ease up, ladies.
Redbook Magazine even suggested that “Cargo Shorts Are Ruining Marriages Across America.” While I didn’t read it, I’m confident that clothing alone doesn’t dismantle relationships. However, if I spotted my partner in a Yankees shirt, counseling might be in order!
Another woman quoted in the WSJ added, “It’s a reflection on me—how could she let him leave the house in those?” If I ever told my partner I was embarrassed by her outfit or quietly discarded her yoga shorts or, worse, one of her oversized handbags? That might just spell disaster for our marriage. Maybe instead of mocking our partners, we should avoid sneaky tactics that undermine trust.
Of course, I wouldn’t dream of tossing out my partner’s yoga pants—not out of fear, but because I genuinely like them. They look so comfy! If she wants to wear them around the house all day, more power to her. Sure, a nice dress for dinner would be great, but with two kids, she doesn’t need to dress up just to get a few handprints on her clothes. And neither do dads.
Fatherhood is messy, demanding work, and sometimes you need reinforcements—like a few band-aids or stickers tucked into those bulky, multi-pocketed shorts. I admit they might not be the most stylish choice, but they serve a purpose and offer comfort.
But if your partner is sporting camouflage cargo shorts? Well, that might be grounds for an annulment!