“Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming…” Who would have thought that I’d find my spirit animal not in a Disney princess but in a forgetful blue fish? As a mom raising a child on the autism spectrum, I can assure you that it often feels like we’re battling against the current.
Support services for children like my son don’t always come easily. Each day can feel like a fight to access the right resources. Our family dynamic is anything but typical, and we frequently encounter unkind stares from others. The pressure can be overwhelming, and there are moments when I feel like I’m sinking under it all. I often wonder where I’ll find the energy to keep advocating for him.
Ironically, it’s the simple, everyday tasks that sometimes make me feel like I’m about to go under — like doing the dishes, for example.
Just last night, I walked into our kitchen to face a towering pile of dirty dishes. The sight of chipped plates and stained mugs instantly made me feel defeated. I slammed the door, muttering things I won’t repeat, and sulked off to bed.
However, when I cautiously opened the kitchen door this morning, that mountain of mess wasn’t half as intimidating as I’d imagined. My mind had played tricks on me, as it often does because I tend to be a pessimist.
What I should have told myself last night was, “So what!”
Embracing this mindset really is liberating. In fact, there’s usually a silver lining in every situation, even with a sink full of dishes.
So what if I go to bed with unwashed pots? In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter? The answer is no, because if I let them pile up, my husband might finally buy me that dishwasher I’ve been wanting. Clever, right?
So what if I’m not one of the millions tuning into feel-good TV on Sunday nights? I can always binge-watch it later without commercial interruptions. Happy days!
So what if my morning shower happens at 10:30 p.m. because my priority in the morning is getting my son to school with minimal stress? I was never a morning person anyway.
So what if my husband and I have to take a weekday off for a date because we can’t find a sitter at night? We often score great midweek deals at our local pub!
So what if we alternate family gatherings because large get-togethers can be overwhelming? This way, we get to spend quality time with our daughters when it’s our turn, and the spouse at home enjoys remote control rights all evening. Win-win!
So what if we vacation in the same spot every year for the sake of stability? At least we know what to expect and can avoid any unwelcome surprises like cockroaches under the bed.
So what if I wear comfy shoes instead of heels? I’d rather not risk blisters while chasing after my child or intercepting a flying remote control.
So what if I have to be home by 10:30 p.m. when I go out because my son worries if I’m not there by the news? Honestly, I prefer being cozy in bed with a warm drink anyway.
So what if I had to leave my job? When one door closes, another opens. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be here sharing this with you.
So what if my son prefers texting over face-to-face conversations about his feelings? I can cherish his messages as precious memories and use them for some light-hearted embarrassment when he’s older.
So what if I spend hours filling out forms and making calls to meet my son’s needs? It’s making me a stronger advocate for him.
So what if my son has sensory issues and only wears certain socks? When we find socks he likes, we buy several pairs. That saves time hunting for mismatched ones later!
So what if we’ve seen “Harry Potter” countless times? At least I’m well-prepared in case of a Dementor invasion with my trusty “Expecto Patronum!”
So what if my son attends a special education school? It’s the best place for him to thrive, where he feels happy and accepted. Ultimately, that’s what we want for our children, isn’t it?
So what if I lose some friends along the way due to our limited social calendar? True friends will always stand by me, and I’d rather have a few genuine connections than a crowd that only values my party tricks.
So what if we’re not a “normal” family? Who even defines what normal is? I’ve learned that social media often presents a polished version of reality, and everyone has their unique challenges.
So what if my son is autistic? He remains my wonderful little boy. While the diagnosis initially caught me off guard, I won’t let others’ judgments affect how he sees himself.
So what if people disagree with my choices? They’re not living my life and don’t know my journey.
So next time you feel like you’re sinking, try saying “so what?” and go with the flow. Imagine yourself floating peacefully, drink in hand, humming along with the little blue fish, “just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.” We don’t always have to fight against the current; sometimes, it’s okay to let it carry us for a while. From one blue fish to another: “When life gets tough, remember to just keep swimming!”
For more insights and tips on navigating parenthood, check out this other blog post. You can also find excellent resources about pregnancy and home insemination at American Pregnancy’s Donor Insemination.
Summary
Parenting an autistic child can feel like swimming against the current, but embracing a “so what” mindset can bring relief. It’s okay to let go of the small stuff and find joy in the unique journey. By managing expectations and celebrating individuality, we can navigate the ups and downs of this wonderful ride.