It’s been ages since I’ve had a night of uninterrupted sleep. I’m not trying to brag; it’s just that I’ve grown accustomed to sharing my bed with at least two other individuals (still not bragging; they’re family). Ah, the joys of parenthood!
About three years ago, we transitioned my 5-year-old from his crib to a real bed. We even got him a trendy loft bed that almost gave me a hernia to put together (thanks a lot, IKEA!) a year back. Yet, despite his cool new bed, he often abandons it to crawl into mine each night.
As a parent in this situation, I find myself conflicted. On one hand, trying to catch some z’s is significantly tougher when a bed meant for two suddenly accommodates three—especially when the little one doesn’t quite grasp the art of sleeping and spends most of the night kicking, flopping, and somehow ending up diagonally across the mattress. On the other hand, these moments of snuggling are fleeting; soon enough, he’ll be too big or too cool to seek comfort next to us.
Kids grow up, and they do so quickly. What feels inconvenient today may turn into a fond memory tomorrow. It might sound amusing now, but as children transition through various phases, the traits we once found annoying can be replaced with far more challenging behaviors. For instance, I’d much rather deal with my son’s endless “why” questions than the headache of figuring out how to pay for his college tuition.
Co-sleeping is one such trait. It’s a remnant of a childhood that’s slipping away, which is why, despite the warnings from experts and the internet about the potential drawbacks—both for sleep quality and child development—it can be hard to resist. It’s not just about the 2 a.m. crawl into our bed when I’m too exhausted to usher him back; it’s something deeper.
My partner, Sarah, wants our son to feel comfortable in his own bed and not turn into a future horror movie character, yet she cherishes those nights when he cuddles up next to her. I totally understand. It’s heartwarming that my 5-year-old still seeks comfort with us (let’s face it, he primarily wants to be close to his mom), and she savors it—especially at the end of the school year when we compare “first day” and “last day” photos, reminding us how fast he’s growing. On days like that, Sarah wishes to hold onto co-sleeping for as long as possible.
So, we find ourselves oscillating between “we really need to break this habit” and “this won’t last forever; let’s enjoy it while we can!” Sometimes these emotions shift within the same night. One moment he’s nestled in our bed, and the next, he’s not; sometimes we’re frustrated, and other times, we miss him before he’s even left.
Most nights, our son snuggles with us, but on the nights he stays in his bed, it’s usually because we’ve either bribed or coaxed him to do so. But despite our complaints about his bed-hogging and sleep disruptions, and our fears that too much co-sleeping might lead to him being the next Norman Bates, we’re generally okay with the arrangement.
It’s not like we’ll still be sharing our bed with him when he’s 12 years old. Not that there’s anything wrong with that! (Actually, there probably is.)
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Summary
Co-sleeping can be a bittersweet experience for parents, as it often leads to disrupted sleep but also provides special moments of closeness. As children grow quickly, parents find themselves torn between the need for sleep and the desire to savor these fleeting moments.