I’ve officially entered the third trimester of what is likely my last pregnancy. Perhaps it’s the knowledge that this little one will be my third and final child that makes everything feel bittersweet. Maybe it’s the surprise aspect of this little miracle that hasn’t given me ample time to prepare for all the “lasts.” Or perhaps it’s just the unique mix of hormones flooding my system. Regardless, I find myself questioning whether I can truly handle it all.
1. Can I Love Another Child as Much?
My love for my two daughters is beyond measure. On many days, I feel like I’m teetering on the brink of chaos, as if letting in the full magnitude of my love might overwhelm me. It’s a love that fills every part of my being, threatening to burst my bubble of reality. How could I possibly stretch that love to include another child?
2. Am I Ready for More Exhaustion?
Let’s face it: raising two children is undoubtedly challenging. Even managing one child is no walk in the park! Kids require energy, and they gradually drain your sleep, willpower, and sanity. Sure, they also nourish your soul like nothing else. Yet, there are days when the thought of cooking, doing laundry, or even playing with toys feels daunting. I often find myself wishing for just one more hour of sleep. But I push through because my daughters need me. Three children? I used to joke that God only gave me two hands and two ears for a reason. Yet here I am, grateful yet terrified. How will I find the strength and sanity to give all of them the love they deserve?
3. Is There Enough Time?
Even if I muster the energy to love them all, there’s still the insurmountable issue of time. There are only so many hours in a day! Between dance classes, dentist visits, cooking, and laundry, I struggle to carve out time for self-care like exercise or even writing. How can I genuinely connect with each of them, knowing I still have basic tasks to manage?
4. Can I Bear the Risk?
Parenting isn’t just exhausting; it also comes with the emotional weight of potential heartbreak. I’m not talking about the heartbreak of a first love but the kind that shatters you to the core. It pains me when my oldest struggles with a bike, thinking she’ll never ride without training wheels. It crushes me to see my toddler cry when I leave. Yet, these are minor tragedies compared to what could happen. We face the reality of loss — of children or parents — simply by choosing to love deeply.
5. Am I Ready for This World?
This pregnancy has made it increasingly difficult for me to watch the news. Social media feels like a minefield; I often stumble upon heartbreaking stories that leave me reeling. How can I send my children into a world filled with such sorrow?
6. Can I Let Go?
Here comes the hardest truth: in parenting, the worst-case scenario is that we have to let them go, and the best-case scenario is the same. It’s a bitter pill to swallow. As much as I want to keep them safe in my embrace, I know that the ultimate goal is to raise them to be independent.
Yet, with all this fear and uncertainty comes a love so profound that it strengthens me in ways I never imagined. This love is daunting, but it also empowers me. Even when life is tough and the world feels unsafe, we have each other. I may not shield them from fear or uncertainty, but I can certainly show them a love that makes it all worthwhile.
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Summary
As I navigate the emotional complexities of my last pregnancy, I grapple with the challenges of loving another child, managing my energy and time, and facing the risks of parenting in today’s world. With each fear comes a deep sense of love that strengthens me and my family, reminding me of the beautiful bond we share.