We were enjoying a sun-drenched day at the beach when my children were just 2, 4, and 5 years old. I was feeling drained, but it was a joyful kind of fatigue. I crouched down, cradling my youngest, watching his adorable, pudgy body bob in the water. He splashed us gleefully with his shovel, and despite the heat and my aching back, I didn’t mind. I cherished being needed by them. Yet, in an instant, that joy turned into a wave of anxiety. What would happen when they grew up? Who would I become, and how would my life change? How would I cope when they no longer depended on me?
In those early years, my days were filled with kissing scraped knees, feeding them, ensuring they were bundled up against the chill, applying sunscreen, and tucking them in at night. Sure, there were countless moments that left me utterly exhausted, but the thought of my kids becoming independent and needing me less was daunting.
I kept these feelings to myself until a close friend shared her own worries, revealing that she, too, felt the same way. Until that moment, I thought my fears were unique. It wasn’t merely about wanting them to stay small forever; I genuinely worried about my own identity when they no longer required my constant attention.
Fast forward seven years, and my kids are older. The process of separation has begun. They’re asserting their independence and carving out lives outside our little family unit. So, what does it mean to be a mom of older children?
It means you can dash to the store solo and be back in under ten minutes. It’s about savoring a few extra moments in the wine aisle without worrying about someone knocking over a display. It’s taking a run or a bike ride by yourself while telling them to text you only if it’s an emergency—though they probably won’t listen. It’s enjoying a longer shower, doing your hair, or soaking in the tub, knowing that interruptions are fewer. It’s witnessing them wake up taller overnight, a gentle reminder to appreciate every moment.
It’s also about missing the sweet little things—those cuddles, their adorable mispronunciations, and those chubby hands. It involves having serious conversations about relationships, politics, and the complexities of growing up, which can feel quite heavy. Letting go is difficult, and learning to parent differently as they evolve is a challenge.
It’s flipping through their baby books and shedding a few tears. It’s feeling a mix of pride and frustration all at once. It’s hoping you’ve made the right choices and wishing they will too. You may see pieces of yourself in them, which can lead to nostalgia or uncomfortable realizations. It allows you to retreat to your room, close the door, and tell them to whip up dinner for themselves. It’s driving them around, often. And it’s spending significant money on food, clothing, shoes, and sports gear.
All these experiences are part of this beautiful, yet challenging journey of motherhood. Some days, I long for the simplicity of having them tiny and safe in their cribs. There are moments when I’d rather be changing a diaper than dropping them off at the movies, but this is the journey we embrace—the many stages of being a mom.
One thing I’ve come to realize is that even as my children grow more independent, it doesn’t mean I’m no longer needed. Sure, I’m not there to keep their heads above water anymore, but my role has evolved into something equally essential, if not more so. And I genuinely appreciate how it all unfolds.
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Summary
As children grow older, the dynamics of motherhood shift significantly. While parents may experience mixed feelings about their children’s independence, they also discover new, meaningful ways to connect and support their kids. The journey is filled with both joy and nostalgia, and ultimately, the relationship evolves into something just as vital, if not more so.