There’s a picture hanging in our hallway of my partner and me with our eldest niece, framed with the words “My Godparents.” Occasionally, one of my kids stumbles upon it and asks about what “godparents” are. “What are those? Do I have them? Why not?”
I do my best to explain, but it often ends with me apologizing and clarifying why they don’t have godparents. “Well… you weren’t baptized.” “I wasn’t?” “Nope.” “Why not?!” “Our belief system doesn’t include baptism.”
These conversations sometimes spiral into more questions, while other times they wrap up with a bit of disappointment about missing out on godparents, a casual indifference toward baptism, and a reluctant acceptance that our family doesn’t belong to the mainstream religious crowd.
My children recognize that we don’t attend church in the same way that many of their Christian and Jewish friends do — yet we don’t entirely avoid it either. I think they feel a bit shortchanged; they identify as religious outsiders but still have to engage in church activities.
Our family is part of the Unitarian Universalist community — a unique faith that’s not easy to categorize. Unitarian Universalists, or UUs as we often call ourselves, don’t adhere to a rigid set of beliefs. Representing only about one percent of the American populace in the “other faith” category, we embrace a variety of spiritual perspectives. People come to us from different backgrounds, including atheists and agnostics. Some hold beliefs in a deity, though the question of whether to use a capital “G” is debatable. We don’t have a Trinity, bar/bat mitzvahs, or baptisms to address the concept of “original sin” because we don’t subscribe to that idea.
Instead, we focus on kindness, connection, and respect for a greater existence that varies for each individual. Think of it as a community rooted in the Golden Rule.
I discovered Unitarian Universalism later in life after a traditional Catholic upbringing that included a First Communion and confirmation. While I value the spiritual roots from my childhood, I eventually realized, like many, that the concept of the Trinity didn’t resonate with me, and I questioned the existence of a traditional God figure. However, I found solace in a more fluid understanding of the divine, perhaps a god with a lowercase “g.”
Despite my uncertainties, I was determined to provide my children with some form of spiritual foundation. But what should that look like? I wanted to nurture their spiritual growth without compromising authenticity or knowledge. Did a community like that even exist?
For a while, I doubted it, but over the past decade, I’ve come to see that this somewhat unconventional faith is the perfect match for our family. We explore poetry from Rumi and Mary Oliver and sing a variety of non-traditional songs. Our church offers groups like Atheist, Humanist & Agnostics, the Feminine Divine, and a book club. We celebrate events such as an annual Passover Seder, a Christmas pageant, and an incredible Halloween party. My evolving beliefs coexist harmoniously with my partner’s humanist views, and our children learn the significance of spirituality without being dictated how to experience it. To put it simply, it’s like being “spiritual but not religious,” except it is a recognized religion.
Despite my fondness for our liberal, somewhat eclectic faith, I sometimes struggle to articulate its essence, especially to those unfamiliar with UU practices. Navigating relationships with non-UUs can be challenging; my Jewish and Christian friends find us lacking in religious seriousness, while my non-churchgoing friends think we’re too religious. And the kids? They occasionally express their disappointment for not receiving First Communion gifts like their friends.
Nonetheless, our family embraces our unique religious identity. I take pride in our faith community, which has long been a champion for marriage equality and had gender-neutral bathrooms long before it was a topic of widespread discussion. I’m thankful that my children are exposed to a multitude of belief systems — from Judeo-Christian to Islam, Buddhism, and paganism — and that they learn not just to tolerate differences, but to celebrate them. I’m also grateful that I don’t have to compromise my beliefs to be part of this spiritual community.
While we may not fit neatly into mainstream religion, we certainly feel a sense of belonging.
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Summary:
This article reflects on the author’s family’s unique experience with Unitarian Universalism, a faith that embraces diverse beliefs and values. While they navigate feelings of being outsiders in a predominantly religious society, they find fulfillment in a community that supports spiritual exploration without rigid doctrines.