I embrace the label of being a strict mom, and honestly, I wear it with pride. My kids often refer to me as “mean,” but after years of self-reflection, tears, and a lot of trial and error, I feel confident in my parenting approach. When I embarked on this wild adventure called motherhood, I didn’t know much, but a few things were clear: I would have rules, my children would be independent, and I definitely wanted to avoid raising kids who couldn’t stand on their own two feet. Oh, and one more thing—sleep was non-negotiable. After all, I didn’t enjoy late-night study sessions in college, so I certainly wasn’t going to do that with tiny humans.
I quickly learned that children don’t arrive with an intrinsic understanding of right and wrong, nor do they inherently know how to keep their space tidy. Initially, I had small expectations, like teaching my toddler to put his toys away at the end of the day. Some days, he only managed to toss one toy into the box while I cleaned up the rest. However, with patience and consistency, he eventually learned to manage his Lego mountain. The same was true for my daughter when she joined the family. By involving them in the cleanup process and modeling the behavior I wanted to see, they learned the household expectations.
Establishing Household Rules
Establishing household rules went beyond just tidiness; it also included the importance of sleep. In our home, naps and bedtimes are strictly enforced. As any parent of a toddler can attest, explaining that they need to sleep so I can unwind with a glass of wine and a Netflix binge often falls on deaf ears. However, mastering the skill of sleep was essential for my kids, and I knew I had to provide them with the right tools to succeed. Consistent bedtimes, firm rules about staying in bed, and a bit of cotton in my ears while they protested led to children who could sleep through the night. They learned that I wouldn’t always be there to chase away the boogeyman. (See? Tough mom, right?)
Preparing for Adulthood
Now that my children are entering their teenage years, it’s time for them to take on more responsibilities. They’re old enough to learn life skills that will serve them well in college and beyond. Just as I taught them to clean up their toys, I’m now focusing on preparing them for adulthood so they’re not caught off guard when they move into dorms. I’ve started stepping back and allowing them to take initiative in various tasks.
For instance, when my son expressed interest in deciding what went into his lunchbox, I seized the opportunity. I stocked the fridge with healthy options, set some guidelines, and let him take charge while I enjoyed my coffee. Before long, he was even making lunch for his sister because he found joy in the task. This independence has made our mornings smoother and allowed me a moment to sip my coffee before the bus arrives.
Encouraging Independence in Academics
Many of my friends are surprised to learn that I don’t micromanage my kids’ homework or track their school deadlines. I’m there to help with challenging problems or ensure they have what they need for projects, but ultimately, the responsibility is theirs. Hovering around their academic lives can hinder their ability to learn time management and the consequences of their actions. Recently, my son turned in an assignment late, which affected his grade and his standing in the honor society. It was a tough lesson for both of us, but I didn’t swoop in to rescue him. He accepted his mistake, and it was a valuable learning moment that will stick with him for years to come.
I hold high expectations for my kids and encourage them to contribute to our household. I provide them with the resources they need to thrive. Since I only have a few more years before they venture into the world, it’s rewarding to witness them taking initiative. And trust me, their newfound skills in cleaning will surely make them great roommates in college.
Further Reading
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In summary, my approach to parenting is rooted in the belief that teaching my kids independence and responsibility will set them up for success. While I may be tough, my goal is to raise respectful, capable individuals who can thrive in the world.