The reality of parenting often comes with a hefty dose of humor, especially when it comes to the topic of sex after kids. While it’s a common theme for jokes, the truth behind it resonates with many parents. Your intimate life won’t completely vanish once you have children (here’s hoping!) but it will definitely undergo some changes, even if just temporarily.
Even the most passionate couples can experience dry spells after welcoming a little one into their lives. With sleepless nights, a tiny human clinging to you all day, and the ever-present aroma of dirty diapers, getting in the mood can feel nearly impossible. Thankfully, the witty parents on Twitter are here to help lighten the mood about the sometimes sad state of intimacy post-kids.
1. That one moment… wow.
It reinforces your bedroom skills—at least that one time.
2. Levels of ecstasy.
In parenting, finding a moment of peace to enjoy your chocolate cereal can feel like an earth-shattering climax.
3. ‘Beyoncé, you’re our last hope.
Sometimes, we’re not exactly “Drunk in Love.” More like, “Please just let me be alone for a moment.”
4. The ultimate last-minute effort.
You might need to make some noise to get in the mood, but hey, no pressure!
5. Setting the scene.
It’s all about ambiance—and avoiding any little hands getting too curious.
6. Don’t you dare.
Nothing kills the mood faster than a “You better fold that laundry again” whispered with frustration.
7. Knives down, please.
He’ll never admit it, but he enjoys this kind of direction.
8. Socks stay on.
True love means saying, “No, babe… keep the socks on.”
9. Not what you think.
All those batteries? They’re for our Fisher Price toys that light up and make noise. Sigh.
10. Does that even count?
Sometimes, you and your partner are just passing ships in the night, or like strangers at a crowded water park.
11. Nothing sexier.
“Oh, darling, please tell me again how we won’t have to stop at a highway rest area thanks to your planning.”
12. Smart thinking.
If you don’t do it now, you might forget and it’ll sit in the washer until morning. No mom would judge you.
13. Getting adventurous.
By the time you get to “Valances: Aren’t These Nice?” he better be ready to roll.
14. Yikes.
Sorry, but there’s no coming back from that. Goodbye, romance.
This piece was originally published on July 28, 2023. For more relatable stories from the trenches of parenting, check out our other articles like this one.
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In summary, while parenting can turn your intimate life upside down, the humor and camaraderie between parents can make those challenges a little easier to bear.