6 Realities of Parenting Older Kids (That You Might Not Expect)

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After ten years of parenting, I was convinced I had it all figured out. I had implemented boundaries that ensured my three daughters felt safe and emotionally secure, established reasonable expectations, and mixed in a bit of flexibility for fun. But then my eldest turned 10, and suddenly, my parenting skills felt like they had vanished. She began to challenge my once-unquestioned rules, sought less of my advice, and turned to her own opinions instead of mine.

Transitioning from parenting young children to older kids was a tough adjustment, even though it’s natural for my approach to evolve as they grow. It can be a struggle to accept their individual perspectives, especially when they clash with my own. Yet, it’s also incredible to watch them embrace new challenges, explore fresh experiences, and make their own choices as they develop into their true selves.

Now that my oldest is 14, I’m gradually becoming more comfortable in my new role as a Consultant rather than a Manager. Here’s what I’ve discovered about parenting older kids:

1. Letting Go of Their Childhood is Tougher Than You Think.

The early years of parenting are filled with a whirlwind of emotions—joy, tears, confusion, and exhaustion. You never think your little one will be able to do things on her own. Yet, one day she’s tying her shoes, going on sleepovers, and texting friends. You won’t miss the messy diapers or early morning wake-ups, but you’ll definitely long for the days when she said “flingo” instead of “flamingo.” Watching them grow is exhilarating, but saying goodbye to those childhood moments is undeniably bittersweet.

2. You’ll Have a Vague Idea of What They Look Like Naked.

When they were little, my daughters would run around the house in the nude, giggling and carefree. Now, my tween changes behind closed doors and gets anxious if she senses me nearby. It’s not that I want to scrutinize her body; I simply miss the closeness we once had, where nothing separated us.

3. They Challenge Your Limits in New Ways.

Little ones throw tantrums and refuse to eat their veggies, but you can usually guide them back to your way. Older kids, however, are more set in their beliefs. My daughters now challenge my fashion advice with statements like, “Everyone wears ripped shorts” or argue about chores with “I have too much homework.” Their defiance can be incredibly frustrating, and despite my attempts at patience, it doesn’t always work.

4. Their Questions Will Dwindle.

Young children ask countless questions, but once they hit around 10, their curiosity begins to taper off. When my oldest turned 13, I found myself wishing she would ask me about important topics like puberty or peer pressure—only to be met with silence. I often resort to launching into lectures, which usually results in eye rolls and my daughter wondering why I’m such a dork.

5. Your Parenting Confidence May Waver.

Perhaps older kids stop asking questions because they realize we don’t have all the answers. They begin to see us as human, and as my daughters grow and assert their independence, I often find myself uncertain about how to parent effectively. While it can be disheartening, I’ve learned to be honest about my uncertainties, which allows me to adapt my parenting style and accept my imperfections.

6. They Will Surprise You with Their Growth.

Recently, I caught a glimpse of my oldest daughter during band practice. As the lead singer, I was shocked when she sat down at the drums—something I hadn’t known she was learning. She played with confidence and joy, and I was simply in awe. While younger kids impress us by hitting developmental milestones, older kids grow in ways we don’t always anticipate, which is both thrilling and rewarding.

As my children transition from childhood to young adulthood, they challenge me to rethink my role as a parent. Allowing them more freedom while still maintaining boundaries is an adjustment, but it also offers a chance to appreciate the wonderful individuals they are becoming.

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Summary

Parenting older children presents unique challenges and surprises. It requires letting go of childhood memories, adapting to new dynamics, and embracing their growing independence. While it can be difficult to navigate these changes, it can also be incredibly rewarding to witness their development into amazing young adults.

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