One morning, while I was taking my 2-year-old, Max, to grab donuts, he decided to throw an epic tantrum. I had promised his older siblings, Ella and Jake, a trip to their favorite donut shop as a reward for their help with cleaning the house. I didn’t want to punish them just because Max was having a meltdown, so we opted for the drive-thru. While I remained calm during his screaming as I placed our order, Max suddenly shouted, “I’ll take two dumb-dumbs and one ugly!” as he kicked the back of my seat. Those were his go-to “bad” words, and he was clearly frustrated about not getting his way.
I attempted to dodge a full-blown public tantrum, but the entire restaurant still heard him. It happens. Kids will throw tantrums — whether at home or in the middle of Target. Here’s a newsflash: It’s 2023, and it’s time to let go of the outdated notion that children should be seen and not heard. Instead, let’s approach these situations with a bit of empathy by considering the following:
1. Tantrums Are Normal.
They’re a natural part of childhood development. I can attest to this, as all three of my kids have had their moments — even my typically well-behaved daughter, Sophie. Though she usually slept soundly and rarely cried, there were times when she would completely lose it in public. It didn’t make her a spoiled brat; she would return to her sweet self once the tantrum passed.
2. It’s Not About Discipline.
In my early 20s, before entering the world of parenting, I was guilty of believing that tantrums were just a sign of poor discipline. I would wonder how parents could let their kids act out while I enjoyed evenings with friends. Well, I’ve since learned that my own children can throw tantrums, and attempts to “discipline” rarely work in those moments.
3. Every Child Has Their Moments.
That’s right — every kid will have a meltdown at some point. They have needs they want to voice but often lack the words to do so. Sometimes they can’t express their discomfort or simply have a bad day. Honestly, there are moments when I feel like throwing a tantrum myself, but as an adult, I just pour a glass of wine instead.
4. No One Is Enjoying It.
Not the child, not the parents, and certainly not the bystanders. But that’s just part of life. We all have to deal with uncomfortable situations. Just like I don’t particularly enjoy going to the dentist or cleaning up after my dog, these moments remind us of the good times. So, yes, that screaming toddler in the restaurant might make you appreciate your quiet dinner at home even more.
5. Give Parents a Break.
Unless you’re genuinely willing to help, don’t overstep and try to parent the parent. This only confuses the child and frustrates the parent. While there are some parents who might overlook their child’s behavior, most are doing their best to manage the situation. They know how to advocate for their kids and don’t need judgment from others.
Tantrums are a part of life. If you venture out into public spaces, you will likely encounter them. Parents deserve compassion, not scorn from those who don’t understand. So, expect to witness a public tantrum, brace yourself for the noise, and let’s aim to be kinder about it.
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Summary
Public tantrums are a normal part of childhood, and parents should be met with empathy rather than judgment. Kids are learning to navigate their emotions and expressing frustrations in ways they can manage. As we navigate these moments in public, let’s foster understanding instead of criticism.