As the children gather for school, your little one, Jake, turns to you and says, “I don’t want to take the bus. My stomach hurts. Please don’t make me go.” You feel a pang of anxiety yourself, knowing that what should be a routine morning has turned into a significant struggle.
Looking at Jake, you see real fear in his eyes. You want to alleviate his distress, to ease the overwhelming worry that seems to shadow his daily life. Initially, you try reasoning with him. “Jake, we walk an extra four blocks to catch this bus because this driver is very safe!” Yet, he remains unconvinced.
You offer comfort. “I promise you’ll be fine. Jake, look at me… you trust me, right?” He nods, but moments later whispers, “Please don’t make me go.” Frustration boils over, and you raise your voice: “Jake, you will get on that bus right now, or there will be serious consequences, like no video games for a week!” He looks at you as if you’ve asked him to do the impossible. Eventually, he boards the bus, but you feel a sense of defeat.
If this scenario resonates with you, rest assured that you are not alone. Every parent wishes to ease their child’s pain. For those with anxious children, it can feel like a constant uphill battle. It’s heartbreaking to see your child worry over situations that seem minor. However, to them, these situations feel genuinely threatening. Anxiety can trigger real physiological responses, a fact I know all too well.
Having struggled with anxiety myself, I sought solutions that could help. Over the years, I’ve discovered that many individuals endure debilitating worry. Shockingly, 40 million American adults and 1 in 8 children face anxiety. Many kids miss out on school, social gatherings, and restful nights due to their anxious thoughts, leaving parents feeling frustrated and helpless.
While there isn’t a universal fix for anxiety, there are numerous research-backed techniques that can aid in managing it. I wish I had learned these strategies earlier, and I’m on a mission to share them with as many families as possible. After spending years refining ways to empower children, I’ve learned that we can teach them to not just survive, but to thrive and find joy in their lives. Here are nine strategies parents can employ to assist their anxious children:
1. Avoid Reassurance
When your child expresses worry, it’s tempting to reassure them that everything will be fine. However, this often falls on deaf ears. Instead, try the FEEL method:
- Freeze: Take deep breaths together.
- Empathize: Acknowledge their fear.
- Evaluate: Once calmer, discuss solutions.
- Let Go: Release any guilt; you’re equipping them with coping skills.
2. Emphasize the Value of Worry
Help your child understand that worrying serves a purpose. Just as our ancestors needed to be cautious of predators, worry today can alert us to potential dangers. Normalize their feelings by explaining that everyone experiences anxiety at times.
3. Personify Worry
Transforming anxiety into a character can be helpful. Create a worry mascot, like a plush toy named Worry Bear, to embody their fears. This approach can make discussing anxiety feel less daunting and enable them to address their feelings more openly.
4. Cultivate Thought Detective Skills
Teach your child to examine their thoughts critically. Use the 3Cs method:
- Catch: Identify the worry.
- Collect Evidence: Assess the truth behind it.
- Challenge: Encourage them to debate their thoughts.
5. Designate Worry Time
Instead of suppressing their feelings, allow kids to express them during a specific “Worry Time.” Set aside 10-15 minutes each day for them to write down their worries, helping them release these thoughts in a structured way.
6. Shift from ‘What If’ to ‘What Is’
Anxiety often stems from future fears. Encourage mindfulness exercises that ground them in the present. Simple breathing techniques can help redirect their focus.
7. Gradual Exposure
Avoiding anxiety-inducing situations can worsen fears. Instead, use a technique called laddering, where you break down a fear into smaller, manageable steps. For example, if they’re afraid of dogs, start by looking at pictures before gradually visiting a friend with a calm dog.
8. Create a Calming Checklist
Just like pilots use checklists during emergencies, equip your child with a calming checklist for when anxiety strikes. Include steps like deep breathing, identifying their feelings, and assessing the situation.
9. Promote Self-Compassion
Watching your child struggle can be heart-wrenching. Remember that anxiety is often caused by various factors, and you are not to blame. Practice self-compassion and recognize that you are your child’s biggest supporter.
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In summary, managing your child’s anxiety involves understanding their fears, teaching them coping strategies, and fostering a supportive environment. By implementing these techniques, you can help your child navigate their worries and build resilience.