You know how it goes: “It’s not you; it’s me.” We seem to have a solid number of mutual friends on Facebook, and I’m sure you’re genuinely delightful in real life. However, our little social media connection? It was fun while it lasted, but alas, it’s time for us to go our separate ways. Let’s call it a conscious Facebook uncoupling.
We did our best, you and I, along with our many mutual friends. I appreciated the photos of your kids in their Halloween costumes, and I tried to overlook that controversial article about affirmative action you shared. I even managed to ignore the fact that you “liked” posts from some rather questionable sources. And when you teased us with “exciting news” but couldn’t share more, I chimed in with a “can’t wait!” while internally rolling my eyes so hard I might have strained something.
But, as my grandma often said, if you can’t say something nice, it’s better to stay quiet. So, I kept scrolling, liking your posts, and pretending that your online antics weren’t driving me a little batty. However, I’ve reached my limit. I can’t handle it anymore.
Honestly, bless your heart for using Facebook as your personal platform to preach about juicing or to criticize that mom who forgot to wash her hands after leaving the bathroom with her toddler. Really, bless your heart.
I try to be understanding and polite, but sometimes your posts make me want to stab a fork in my eyes. They can make me question humanity and worry for the future. So, throw traditional etiquette out the window. Emily Post didn’t have to deal with the online world, and her rules can only go so far. Life is short, and I can’t waste my precious time on your Facebook drama. The world is chaotic enough without adding unnecessary negativity to my feed. Luckily, there’s that handy “Unfriend” button, allowing me to escape the madness with just one click.
Like I said, it’s not you; it’s me. Maybe I’m just sensitive to your excessive use of #SoBlessed. I get that you love your life and want to share that joy, but your humblebrags make me cringe. So, to avoid an allergic reaction, I’ll just hit #Unfriend when I see your posts filled with gratitude.
And while we’re at it, if you’re turning Facebook into your personal pulpit, I’m out. I don’t need any more guilt from your posts.
What’s more, if you’re trying to sell me stuff on Facebook after years of silence since high school, let’s just say I’m not interested. I’m way too introverted to host gatherings for essential oils or products that promise to solve my everyday challenges. Plus, I have far too much on my plate as it is.
And can we talk about sanctimommies? The ones who start with “I don’t mean to judge, but…” only to unleash their judgment on a mom feeding her toddler Cheetos during a late-night Target run? I just can’t deal with it anymore.
So, if you’re an outright jerk or someone who shares sexist, racist, or homophobic jokes, your Unfriend will be swift and decisive. Trust me, this time it really is you. Bye, Felicia!
Whatever the reason for our conscious uncoupling, please don’t take it personally. As I mentioned, it’s not you; it’s me.
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In summary, while social media can be a fun way to connect, it’s also filled with posts that can be overwhelming or downright annoying. If it’s too much, don’t hesitate to curate your feed for your peace of mind.