I truly believe that children come into the world with their own unique temperament. The moment my daughters were born, I could see their distinct personalities. My oldest was a spirited and strong-willed baby, just as she is today—brilliant yet sometimes challenging. My youngest, on the other hand, emerged with a smile and a sparkle in her eyes (once the newborn goo cleared, of course). She remains a creative, empathetic, and feisty little girl.
In addition to personality, I think babies have their own “sleep temperament.” While feeding methods (like breastfeeding, which can lead to more frequent waking) and sleep associations certainly play a role, some babies naturally find it easier to soothe themselves to sleep than others.
Recently, I was with a few newborns (I had to fight the urge to cuddle them all). One baby was snuggled beside her mom, drowsy from nursing but still awake. I watched in amazement as she looked at me, made some soft sounds, and then, with a happy smile, her eyes slowly closed and she drifted off to sleep.
I was shocked—I had never witnessed anything like it. The advice to “put your baby down drowsy, but awake” was something I heard countless times when I had my girls. I tried it, but it never worked for us. I’d nurse them until they were almost asleep, carefully lay them down, and they’d instantly wake up, looking at me as if I were an alien.
Curious, I asked the mother of the calm baby how she managed it. She simply said, “She’s always been like this.” I asked if she had sleep-trained her child, and she replied, “Nope.” This baby had no pacifier and wasn’t sucking her thumb, all while surrounded by chatting adults and babies—truly remarkable.
On the flip side, I recently reached a point where I could tuck my 9-year-old into bed and leave the room without issue. It took a few years, but eventually, we got there.
While some parents choose to sleep train, my family opted against it. I couldn’t bear letting a baby cry for any length of time, and I had a strong feeling it wouldn’t work for my kids, given their sleep styles. I’ve met many parents whose sleep training efforts didn’t pan out or were disrupted by illness or other changes.
So if you’re like me, with a baby who hasn’t learned to self-soothe or if your attempts at training have failed, know that you are not alone. Having a challenging sleeper can be tough, but it doesn’t reflect poorly on you or your child. Self-soothing isn’t a must-have for baby sleep. While it can simplify nighttime routines, there are ways to manage the exhaustion of late-night wake-ups.
Consider sharing bedtime duties with your partner, co-sleeping to ease the process, or taking turns catching up on sleep during weekends. You can also use a tablet as a distraction for your little one while you sneak in a nap—no shame in that! What works for one may not work for another, but prioritizing self-care is crucial for restoring your sanity.
Most importantly, even if you don’t actively teach your child to self-soothe, they will eventually learn on their own. I can’t predict when this will happen, but I assure you it will. Children naturally develop independence over time—no one goes to college needing their mom to put them to bed!
For further insights on parenting and home insemination, check out this informative blog post and explore resources like this helpful guide on pregnancy and home insemination. Additionally, Make a Mom is an excellent resource for those considering at-home insemination.
In summary, remember that it’s perfectly okay if your child doesn’t learn to self-soothe right away. Sleep patterns and temperaments vary widely among children, and what’s right for one family may not suit another. Trust the process, prioritize your well-being, and know that self-soothing will come in time.