When I entered the world of parenthood nearly a decade ago, social media wasn’t the overwhelming presence it is today. I didn’t even have a Facebook profile; I thought it was just for college kids like my younger brother. If family wanted to see photos of my little ones, I would either have to send them through email or invite them over to see the kids in person. Friends would call me for updates. My cell phone was an ancient flip model, and texting was not in my vocabulary.
I can vividly recall those early days with a newborn, my phone constantly ringing, and me unable to answer everyone. My great aunt and grandmother thought I was being inconsiderate. But I had just welcomed a baby into the world and needed a little space to breathe. Thankfully, I mostly got that.
Sure, there were prying questions and unsolicited advice from a few well-meaning folks. Some comments left me rattled, and there were moments when I received so much conflicting advice that I felt lost. But what today’s young parents face is on a whole different level of scrutiny and judgment.
Currently, about 72% of adults in America are on Facebook, a number that is even higher among those of childbearing age. Even if you’re selective about your social media use, the landscape has transformed dramatically in just a decade. Every action taken as a parent is scrutinized by an audience, as if there are hundreds of eyes analyzing and critiquing every move, even when you’re offline.
For new moms sharing a photo of their baby, concerns extend beyond family reactions; they must also consider what old high school friends might say. You never know when someone might comment with something wildly inappropriate, like, “Have you vaccinated? You don’t want to harm them so young,” or “Circumcision is mutilation, you know.” It sounds exaggerated, but we all know it’s not. Behind the screens, people feel emboldened to share harsh opinions they wouldn’t dare voice in person. They forget their manners and the impact their words can have.
If you’re a new mom or a relatively young parent, you’re already vulnerable to criticism due to your inexperience. You’re still figuring out your parenting style, whether it aligns with how your parents raised you or if you want to forge a new path. The added pressure of hormonal changes and sleepless nights leaves you feeling exposed and sensitive to others’ words.
It’s not just your own online presence that brings judgment; any parent can face public scrutiny for a small mistake thanks to social media. No one is safe from the avalanche of criticism—except, perhaps, those who are quick to judge others, who may one day find themselves on the receiving end of such harshness.
Parenthood is filled with opportunities for both big and small errors. No parent is perfect, and over time, most of us learn to accept this truth. However, with parenting ideals set impossibly high, the current generation of parents struggles to internalize the message that imperfection is part of the journey. There’s hardly any room to breathe, and God forbid they make a mistake that any loving parent could easily make; they might find themselves accused of neglect or worse.
Certainly, there are genuinely neglectful parents, and terrible things can happen to children as a result. It’s a thought I wish to avoid. Most of us are just trying our best, but the notion of “doing your best” is no longer enough. It’s all about being the “Pinterest-perfect parent” or nothing at all.
So, to all the new parents navigating this chaotic social media landscape, I’m sorry. I apologize for the storm of judgment that floods the internet. I understand how deeply this criticism can impact you, especially as you’re figuring out how to embrace your new role.
I want to remind you that in the real world, parents are far kinder to one another than what you may encounter online. Seek out supportive friends who understand that parenting often means improvising and that sometimes simply showing up is the best you can do.
Consider stepping back from social media or using it to foster positive connections. I’ve met wonderful friends online, but I’m becoming increasingly selective about my interactions. If you use Facebook, take advantage of the “friends list” feature. Create a list of people who are empathetic and kind, and share your posts exclusively with them. Unfollow or unfriend those who don’t contribute to your sense of support and love.
Remember this: You are a fantastic parent. The decisions you’re currently wrestling with—like breastfeeding versus bottle-feeding or working versus staying home—are not as crucial as social media would have you believe. I know you’re making well-considered choices and that your love for your child is profound.
Please, make an effort to release the burden of perfection and ignore the critics. Your parenting journey is yours alone—you are the one who gets to write your story. You’ve got this, mama!
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In summary, while parenting today is laden with social media scrutiny and unsolicited advice, it’s essential to remember that you are not alone. Seek supportive connections, prioritize your well-being, and embrace the imperfect journey of parenthood.