Three years ago, Sarah and I proudly purchased our first home. It was an exciting milestone, but it also put our relationship to the test in ways we hadn’t anticipated.
Just two months after we settled in, a rare snowstorm struck our area in Oregon, and our furnace decided to quit on us. Sarah was seven months pregnant at the time, and I felt the weight of responsibility like never before. Having rented for nine years, I was used to calling a landlord to fix any issues. Now, the responsibility fell squarely on my shoulders.
When Sarah called me at work to inform me that the furnace was blowing cold air and the temperature inside was plummeting to 50 degrees, I panicked. In our efforts to save for the down payment, we had drained our savings and cut back on credit card use, leaving me with no idea how to fix a furnace or the funds to hire someone. I felt obligated to solve the problem, especially as the man of the house.
The truth is, I’ve always struggled with DIY tasks. I could hardly assemble Ikea furniture without getting frustrated, let alone tackle something as critical as a furnace. Growing up without a father to guide me in home repairs left me feeling ill-equipped for this new role.
Once we moved in, we both began to fall into traditional gender roles. I assumed I should fix any issues that arose, while Sarah would handle decorating and cleaning. This led to misunderstandings and arguments, as we both overestimated our skills in these areas.
For instance, when our son dropped a red popsicle on the carpet, Sarah became visibly upset trying to remove the stain. I came home to find her on her hands and knees, scrubbing frantically while on the phone, likely seeking advice from her mother. I could see the frustration in her eyes, as the stakes felt higher since we owned the carpet now.
Eventually, I stumbled across a YouTube video demonstrating how to use steam to remove the stain, and while it worked, I could sense Sarah’s disappointment in not resolving it herself. I faced a similar moment of crisis crouched next to the broken furnace, feeling inadequate as I struggled to troubleshoot. It felt like a daunting maze of wires and pipes, and I feared making things worse.
Fortunately, Sarah dug through our paperwork and discovered that the furnace was covered by our home warranty. In the end, she solved the problem, reminding us that we make a great team when we combine our strengths.
Over time, we learned to set aside our assumptions about who should do what based on gender. Instead, we began discussing tasks and determining who was best suited for each job, or learning together if neither of us had the skills.
Reflecting on our journey, I realize that homeownership could have created division between us, but it ultimately united us as partners.
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Summary
Purchasing our first home was a significant achievement for Sarah and me, yet it revealed unexpected challenges in our relationship. As we navigated issues like a broken furnace and stained carpets, we had to confront traditional gender roles and learn to collaborate effectively. Ultimately, we discovered that by leveraging each other’s strengths, we could handle the responsibilities of homeownership together.