As parents, particularly mothers, we often find ourselves saying “no” more times than we can count.
- No, you can’t have that snack right now.
- No, you can’t take the car tonight.
- No, I won’t leave this closet to yell at your brother for taking your ‘Harry Potter’ book.
We craft excuses to stay cozy at home in our pajamas on chilly days and decline committee invitations because who really has the time to organize a school carnival? Our partners hear “no” more often than they’d like, often due to feelings of exhaustion or insecurity about our bodies. We skip workouts, blaming our kids and their packed schedules.
We say no to keep our kids safe on the jungle gym or to steer them away from friendships with other kids whose parents we may not see eye to eye with. If you’re an introvert like me, you often decline invitations for playdates, thinking, “Why socialize unless absolutely necessary?”
Every day, we find ourselves in a loop of no, no, no, and more no. It’s no wonder that moms have earned a reputation for being the ultimate naysayers.
But what if, even just 50% of the time, we flipped the script and embraced “yes”? What if we allowed ourselves to say yes to our own needs occasionally?
When I first became a mother, my entire focus was on ensuring my children were safe and fed at the end of each day. I exhausted myself with midnight feedings, endless hours of playdough, and coaxing my little ones into eating something other than blueberries. I hardly spent time with friends beyond the occasional playgroup and often went months without wearing makeup or clothes that didn’t scream “exercise” (which I wasn’t doing, by the way).
One day, while walking past a mirror, I caught a glimpse of myself and was taken aback. I didn’t just look tired; I looked defeated. My hair was a mess, dark circles adorned my eyes, and I hardly recognized the reflection staring back at me. It was a wake-up call; I realized I had been saying no to myself for far too long.
That moment sparked a change. I started to be intentional about where I directed my “no.” “No, I won’t wake up with the kids on Saturday because I’m saying yes to a run (which is more of a brisk walk that makes me breathe heavily).” “No, I can’t do bath time tonight because I chose to say yes to a spin class with friends.” While the word “no” remained in my vocabulary, I decided to stop saying it to myself. I lost 30 pounds of baby weight simply by making the conscious choice to say yes to my own needs.
Women, especially mothers, often take on the roles of planners and problem solvers. Our families depend on us to manage everything, from cooking meals to locating lost soccer cleats. Our lives are often chaotic, leaving little room for personal aspirations. Saying no can make life simpler, but it can also prevent us from pursuing opportunities that might enhance our lives.
Why not shift our priorities and make our lives more fulfilling by rethinking our “no’s”? A friend recently shared that she had applied for a new job, one that she had been working towards for a long time. Initially, she thought of saying no because of the logistics involved with her busy family. However, she decided to embrace the challenge and figure things out as they came. She even treated herself to some new clothes to celebrate. Good for her!
Saying yes doesn’t mean we neglect our responsibilities as mothers. It isn’t about offloading tasks onto our partners or colleagues either. It’s a mindset shift that reminds us we are deserving of our own goals and dreams. Yes can be daunting, but it’s also incredibly rewarding. I deserve to achieve my dreams, even if that dream is simply enjoying a quiet moment with a cup of coffee in a café.
While I’m working on incorporating more “yes” into my life, I will always be firm in my “no” to anything by Justin Bieber. Because, really, NO.
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Summary:
Mothers often prioritize others’ needs over their own, frequently saying “no” to their desires and aspirations. This article emphasizes the importance of shifting the mindset to say “yes” to oneself, allowing for personal growth and fulfillment. By re-evaluating what we say “no” to, we can enhance our lives and pursue our own dreams, even amid the chaos of parenting.