There I was, cradling my 4-year-old daughter, who had completely lost it after picking at a scab on her knee. She was convinced she had seen a drop of blood, and let me tell you, she’s quite squeamish about anything related to blood. A Band-Aid would have worked wonders, but we had just run out—thanks to her habit of picking at her scabs. I hadn’t even checked the so-called “gaping wound,” and when I finally did, surprise, surprise—no blood.
It was 7 a.m., and in addition to managing my panicking daughter, I was attempting to prepare breakfast for our family of four, unload the dishwasher, start a load of laundry, check my work emails, compile a grocery list, and gear up mentally for a day with my kids during summer vacation.
I hadn’t slept well the night before because, well, some nights sleep just eludes me. I missed the opportunity to tackle a couple of hours of work while everyone was still asleep. Once the kids are awake, it’s as if the clock resets—chaos reigns. My mind was racing with tasks: I need to finish this writing by the deadline, fill out that camp registration form, call about the septic tank, and email a colleague. I hadn’t exercised because I was too busy tossing and turning, and now I was going to be in a mood. And, oh right, I had promised the kids a trip to the pool today. What was I thinking?
At that moment, my husband came in, looking fresh and invigorated after his workout and shower. “Ugh. I really don’t want to go to work today,” he said. A wave of jealousy washed over me, unexpected and intense. I chose to keep my feelings to myself. I didn’t want to add “have a huge argument with my husband” to my ever-growing to-do list. I simply replied, “Mmhmm,” while continuing to console my daughter and maybe holding her a little too tightly.
He left for work, blissfully unaware of my internal storm, and I resumed my juggling act. That moment of jealousy faded, but throughout the day, I couldn’t shake the image of myself speeding down the driveway, hair blowing in the wind, music blaring, and no one yelling at me to “slow down! I’m going to be sick!” The longing for a day dedicated solely to work, without interruptions for diaper changes or dealing with mud-related antics, began to resonate deeply within me.
Don’t misunderstand me; I generally love being a work-at-home mom. It’s a choice I’ve made, and it suits my family. Yet, it truly is a balancing act of epic proportions. I have experience working full-time outside the home as a mom, so I know that the fantasy I was picturing isn’t always as glamorous as it seems. I certainly don’t wish this fleeting time away; I realize it’s just a phase, and soon my kids will require less of my attention. But in those moments when I’m covered in mystery sticky substances and trying to prevent a sibling showdown over a stick, the allure of my husband’s daily routine can seem so appealing.
I’m sure he can’t fathom what it’s like to spend all day in pajamas, playing with the kids, napping in the hammock, and squeezing in some writing time as he likely envisions my days to be.
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Summary
Navigating parenting while managing work is a challenging but rewarding endeavor. Balancing the demands of motherhood with professional responsibilities can lead to moments of envy and stress, yet it is essential to appreciate this fleeting stage of life. Both parents often have differing perceptions of each other’s daily routines, which adds another layer to the juggling act.